July 12, 2009
"Yesterday was... blah. After I talked to almost the entire fam on the phone & sat around until noon, we went to a ceremony. Again, everyone got really dressed up & went through the motions. This ceremony was for berdoa-ing (praying) to the ancestors- and how sad it was! They were praying to dead relatives that are, in reality, burning in Hell. I spent so much time with the "anak-anak" (kids)- I really made an extra effort to talk to people instead of just sitting there. My Indonesian really has gotten better, & these people are good at English somewhat! Praise God!
I was so tired yesterday & didn't want to minister. To be honest, I'm ready to go home. I'm frustrated with the stone cold hearts of the people, the language barrier, & just little things. I miss my family & I'm ready to change hearts at home.
I have SUCH bad attitude! Wipe away my negativity, God. I have so much doubt, so much negativity. Give me hope in You- although that may mean simply finding rest in Your love. I know You can save these people. I know I'm here for a reason. Make my heart believe it! Blot out the idea of "home" and make my mentality shift, so that Lewak, Bali is my home for the next 2 weeks. Exhaust me from ministry, Father, because I don't want my last impression on the people to just be my smile, love for the kids, valiant efforts to speak Indonesian, or my material gifts. Instead, I want them to see those things & link them to Jesus Christ! Forgive me for my attitude. Tear apart my doubt. I believe you can save souls in Your timing- and I earnestly wait for that timing. Until then, give me a pure & holy passion to make You known!
'Be still before the Lord & wait patiently for Him; Do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. -Psalm 37:7'"
PS- the great thing about this entry is that 2 days later, we had the wonderful opportunity to share with an old but influential man. 5 days after this entry, we had a new brother in Christ! God is faithful and wants His creation to know Him!
"You Said" by Hillsong/Shane & Shane
You said, Ask and you will receive
Whatever you need
You said, Pray and I'll hear from heaven
And I'll heal your land
You said Your glory will fill the earth
Oh, Like water the seas
You said, Lift up your eyes
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near
You said, Ask and I'll give the nations to you
O Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light, as it rises on us
O Lord, we ask for the nations
O Lord, we ask for the nations
O Lord, we are asking for the nations
Emily!! I'm so glad you're back, and I really want to hear about your trip sometime soon! I have no doubt that you were doing God's work over there and I loved reading your blog while you were away. Now that you're back, can we see each other soon? I have BIG news to tell you, if you haven't already found out from my facebook page. :)
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteThis is so encouraging to me! I know that ministry is often hard, but it is so great that even through the tough times and the wanting to go home, you were strengthened in the LORD and that you were able to move past those moments of defeat. Even though you were wanting to leave and do ministry here, know that the ministry here can be just as hard and sometimes harder.
I can't wait to hear all about your trip and what God has been teaching you over the summer. You are such a precious friend and I love you TONS. :D Can't wait to see you very soon!