There are some days when I just want to be a million things at once, in a million places at once. My heart sometimes feels like it's about to erupt through my throat and out through my mouth, and sometimes I just need to let it all out. I want to be so many things for so many people, and I want to do everything. I want every single person to feel loved and appreciated, and I desperately want them to have the same hope I have. It pains me so often to think about the people who do not know Christ or know true, unconditional love- it keeps me up at night and seriously disturbs me. Today, I dwelled and wondered about Opik and Ryan- 2 boys we met in Bali. Do they still read the Bible stories, hoping to learn some English? Do they understand? Has Christ convicted them or their parents? Is Opik still planning on coming to study in the US? I got really sad when I realized that I will probably never know the answers to these questions.
Despite this, I've got to move on. There are more people who need seed planted in their hearts, and God's Word introduced to their lives. They need love. I may never see the fruit of my labor or my pained heart... and that makes me a little disheartened. It's my labor of love- my mission and my focus for the rest of my life. I am ready to carry the burden of a sea of darkness- I am ready to feel anguish for the lost. This was my mission from the beginning, but it is consciously my painful mission today. I will pick up these feelings, place them on my head, offer them to God, and carry on down the road without complaining.
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