Today, I walked into church a bit late. I was tired. Instead of sitting up front with the rest of the college students, as per usual, I melted into a chair in the very back row, up against the wall. No one knew I was there, and I could drink in the truth and wisdom of those up on stage from a distance. Needless to say, I was weary.
My emotions have been out of wack lately with all the sentimental things going on in the month of May, and I am so worn out from trying to hold it together throughout it all. In the words of old camp music, "I am so tired of compromising, and of lukewarm living." But it's not just that- I am weary because I have been trying to carry my own burdens and the burdens of others on my own shoulders. I have been allowing my feelings to be governed by my circumstances, and I have refused to allow Jesus to be my strength. This past month has been wonderful, but draining. The funny thing is that the sermon was exactly dead on with what I needed to be hearing- the Lord is not finished building our strength!
I do believe that the Lord divinely appointed for me to be exactly where I was this morning. I almost didn't even go to service because I was so weary. But in that span of time, He sent a woman to sit next to me and offer a gentle pat on the back and an encouraging word. He spoke through Pastor Jason to convict and encourage me, and He spoke through song as Jon sang "I Need You." I am so encouraged today! I need Him.
"I Need You" by the Swift
My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out
I need You, oh I need You
Blessed Savior come
I need You, oh I need You
Fill every longing of my soul
Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today
And my bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in
I need You, oh I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, oh I need You
Yahweh how I love you more than life
Oh how I need You Lord
I need Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today
Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea
Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They are all just passing by
It's not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yahweh's lifted me in His own strength!
Oh how I love You, Lord
I love Your perfect word
With tearful eyes I see
The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That you have shown me grace
And made my heart in grace to stay
You made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay
I need You, oh I need You.
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