I'm having one of those weeks where nothing is happening inside of my head. While trying to keeping my head above water before Finals Week, I am preparing for Africa, dreaming up a wedding, and planning/implementing some big events, all while also being my super sister's assistant during "Operation Excavate the Appendix." I'm tired, overwhelmed, and certainly don't feel as though there is time to think about anything else. With a 10-page paper looming on the horizon and a giant to-do list to master before May 17, I wonder if I'll ever be able to make any extra time for anything at all.
...now that I'm finished complaining...
Don't waste your life. I have a problem with this. In my limited and selfish heart, I think "making the most" of my life requires constant action. I see it like this: if I had all the time in the world, I'd become a nomad of sorts- visiting with families who just need love & attention, helping kids who need help, teaching people in order to improve their lives, constantly implementing Christ's love and the Gospel into every bit of my work. And when I cannot do all of these things all the time, I begin to feel like Christ is not being glorified in me because I am living a selfish lifestyle.
If the "worth" of my life depends on the things that I do, I'm hopelessly worthless. After all, the past week has been full of nothing but preparing for tests and hospital waiting rooms. How can a busy college student feel full of worth if you are subject to your prof's dominion? This has been my battle, my struggle, for 3 years and counting. When my paper is due tomorrow, do I skip out on going to help my sweet African kiddos with their homework so that I can focus on my own?
Discipline is essential, and noted constantly throughout the Proverbs. God demands that we keep from laziness, and yet He also demands that we love & serve others. Ah, the balancing act- here we meet again. I've thought and prayed and thought some more about it, and I've come to the conclusion that I can glorify God most by delighting to serve Him whenever He presents the opportunity. Sometimes, serving Him will not look like a stuffy apartment, chatty children, and math homework. Often, serving Him will look like a lonely & hunched body, overworked laptop, and piles of notes. I would love to trade this table at B&N in for a chance to sit with my sweet old lady friend and let her know someone cares about her life. But as I have responsibilities and duties in order to train myself for further advancement of the Gospel, I can glorify God by having a good attitude and working diligently towards the task He has given me. My attitude can glorify Christ. The way I speak to others while sitting at B&N can glorify Christ. What am I doing now to glorify and serve Christ? He can use us, if we'll only put away our own agendas and live for Christ during the most bland moments- moments such as paper-writing moments.
I am so uncomfortably humbled, but I am learning.