Thursday, December 22, 2011

When "busy" isn't enough

In one of the movies I watched today, a teenage girl thrashed her feelings out in a blog. It made me shudder a little to think that's what I may look like- the emotionally drained girl who just wants someone to see her feelings and listen- which is a little pathetic, in my opinion. I'm hoping that isn't what this blog turns out to be- so just hear me out. I write these things in hopes that maybe there are a few other college girls (or anyone else, for that matter) who feel the exact same way as me; that the unspoken struggles which Christians face daily will come to the surface. Maybe then we will see that Satan's schemes aren't all that uncommon.

It would be an understatement to say that I am tired of saying the phrase "I'm so busy." Truthfully, I would be so happy if the word busy was to drop from my vocabulary, because it has become more than just a state of being- it has morphed into an excuse, a point of pride, an alibi, a complaint, and a reason to slack or ignore. I really am so tired of telling people that I am busy.

One of the main reasons I am tired of that word is because of something I read about a month ago on an author's blog. It seemed that she was writing the exact things that I've complained about all semester- being too busy for anything "fun" or "relaxing" because of the long list of tasks at hand. The differences between her and I are our seasons of life and our ways of dealing with it. I can't remember the exact quote, but this mom of four young kiddos and wife of a famous speaker said something to the extent of "this season is hard and draining, but I must continue to place my relationship with Christ at the forefront of my priorities."

Now hold the phone and listen up- I walk through each semester begging for the breaks to get here faster so that I can "catch up" on my relationship with the Lord and de-stress from the demands of responsibilities. Yet this woman, who is on call 24/7/365, finds reason to love and pursue Jesus in the midst of fulfilling the role of a true Proverbs 31 woman. I'm not intimidated by her; I'm disappointed in myself.

I opened my Bible yesterday morning and realized that I couldn't remember the last time I had picked it up for more than ten minutes. I cried realizing that in the course of a semester, studying for my ENG 407 test became more important than studying the Book of Life. The excuse of "busy" became the reason to leave my Bible on the shelf, pack my backpack with textbooks, and push my relationship with the King to the "To-Do over Christmas Break" list. Yes, I went to church, and I kept up with my "Christian face" just fine, but my heart was creating a long-distance relationship with Jesus that widened with every study session and complaint. And that, my friends, is not what Jesus intended our relationship to be like. I'm not saying that having a relationship with Christ is easy during the busy seasons- I'm saying we have to try during the busy seasons.

When I stop reading the Bible and spending time with the Lord, talking about Him seems unnatural. It seems phony, fake, and almost like a foreign language. It makes me uncomfortable to be around people who are glowing with love for Jesus, and it makes me want to hide from it even more. (that's Satan at work, FYI)

"When we are faithless, He is faithful."

I hide, and He whispers. I become cold, and He breathes warm new life. I am faithless, but He continues to be faithful. Just as the Israelites rejected Him time after time, I forget to spend time with my Father during the busy times. Yet even in the times when I forget about my Father, He never forgets about me.
"But He brought His people out like a flock; He led them like sheep through the wilderness." -Ps. 78:52

The Israelites (and me) need the Father... desperately. If you are between a rock and a hard place, feeling the coldness of unnatural talk and discomfort around other Christians, take 5 minutes to read Psalm 78 and understand that God has been in the business of loving the unfaithful for thousands of years- and He will welcome you back into His open arms, too. And amidst being faithful to all of His sheep, He is never too busy for me... so I should never be too busy for Him. It all depends on how important this relationship truly is to me.

These are just the beginning thoughts. Going back to what the author-blogger wrote, I realize that this "busy season" (ugh, I really hate that word) will never really end- from here until eternity, I will always have something which competes for my time and has the potential to drain my relationship with Christ. Satan is good at finding ways to do that. Rather than throwing in the towel and throwing myself head-first into the things which make me "busy," I must first learn to find my peace and hope in Christ alone.

More on this very soon... but I think this has been long enough :)

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