Sunday, April 15, 2012

When a season ends

Uninspired, I close my laptop once more in hopes that I will one day soon be motivated and encouraged to write the feelings I've had for the last month or so. The problem with it all, however, is that the inspiration just isn't there. I've had plenty of feelings and things to spur a slew of paragraphs- transitioning from a college town to the hometown, marriage in a mere 5 weeks, an appreciation for art and nature and God-given gifts in a world full of icky sin and self-glorification, and the sentimental depression that comes with realizing I won't be seeing many BG people again for quite some time. But I just haven't had any inspiration to write about it or truly feel.

Seasons are so funny- the new-ness and mystery of a new season causes my stomach to fill with nervous anticipation, yet I can't grip my heart firmly enough to shake it back into the reality of the present. I remember sitting in a best friend's car in 2007, hovering in my driveway before I hopped out and walked inside my house. We talked about I can't wait's and What will it be like's until our eyes were sleepy and our hearts were dreamy. We wondered, hesitant but curious, if college would provide all of the opportunities we hoped it would. We dismissed the last few months of high school with a flick of the wrist, and we wistfully waited until the day that we would meet our college roommates or create our own schedules. And before we knew it, high school was gone.

College will be gone in the blink of an eye. The calendar posted on the back of my bedroom door grows smaller and smaller, as the weeks are peeled off and the days count down. If I am "but a vapor," what do I have to show for the last four years of college?

Here are 10 things that, 4 years ago, I never thought would come out of my own mouth:

  1. "I will miss BG."

  2. "I don't need friends to make me secure. Christ is my sufficiency."

  3. "These green beans I made actually taste pretty good."

  4. "It's okay, because He is in control."

  5. "I love you, David."

  6. "When I went to West Africa..."

  7. "I really want to move to the Middle East."

  8. "I will really miss those precious high school girls."

  9. "I'm not sure if I'll get a B or a C in that class. Oh well- I worked hard."

  10. "Go Cats!" (oh wait, I never actually said that)

Today I am thankful for the journey He has taken me on and the road He has in store for me. There is a time for everything under the sun, and I am trying as hard as I can to appreciate each little bitty thing that He throws me in each season. Will I always be thankful for everything? Probably not. Right now I'm feeling really hateful towards the Teacher Work Sample and class in general. Will I try to adjust my attitude so that I can make the most of these last 3 weeks of class? Absolutely.

I am so so so looking forward to May 19 and beyond, but I want to sweetly savor every last bit of these last 4 weeks in this unique and short season!
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." -Ecc. 3:1

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