Our 2012 Christmas Card

I'll admit I'm not on the top of my game for Christmas. I decorated our apartment in a frenzy upon returning to the States 15 days before Christmas, but you won't be receiving a Christmas card from the Dahls for their first married Christmas and you definitely won't be seeing us hosting a Christmas party. But it's okay because I'm back in America and I'm soaking up a lot of relaxing time at home with my husband and close friends. In my home. Eating a lot of cookies. So here is our own Christmas card of sorts, with a recap of my/our 2012:

2012 has been perfect in so many ways, yet I have never been so s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d as I was this year. And there were LOTS of big milestones hit!! Shall we look at the highlights?

1. Foot surgery happened at the end of 2011, but I kicked off the first few minutes of 2012 by attempting to play Just Dance in my parents' living room in my awesome post-op shoes. It was interesting. My new walking skills were compared to those of a stork, baby fawn, and a one-year-old child. Needless to say, we grew as a soon-to-be-married couple when he carried me to the bathroom and washed my hair for me. How cute. One year later, I have beautifully scarred and bunion-less feet!

2. With the wedding coming up, I spent all of my free time creating wedding things and attending bridal showers. I have sweet friends! When I wasn't doing schoolwork, my days were consumed with creating boutonnieres and finding the right clothes for the bridal party. David helped eat shower food and nod his head in approval of every item we registered for. Actually, that last part isn't 100% true. Woohoo for wedding planning!

3. Big Milestone #1: Renting our first home. One week before the wedding, we moved into the most PRECIOUS townhouse apartment in Louisville. I love love love our first home; it has been a huge joy to spend our first year of marriage in this area!

4. Big Milestone #2: Marriage. On May 19, I married my best friend and promised to love him forever. It has only gotten better since then, and I'm oh-so-thankful for a husband who has grown and matured in 7 months SO much more than I ever could have anticipated. The love fern we planted on that first day of marriage is still thriving in our living room, even though D didn't water it for the entire month I was out of the country... even so, the fern thrives!!! What does that tell you about our AWESOME marriage?! We also went on a honeymoon to Jamaica, where we stuffed ourselves with good food and slept like there was no tomorrow. Weddings are exhausting.

5. With our wedding over, it was time to get ready for another family matrimony! David's sister Jamie got married to sweet Blake in August. We went to lots of weddings for friends this year, but this one was definitely the most special. I loved getting to meet many of David's family members and spend some time getting to know them. And now, even more exciting news... we will be aunt and uncle to sweet little Brantley in May!! We're so excited for the Harwoods!!!

7. Big Milestone #3: Student teaching. D worked full-time (and usually overtime) at his job so that I would be able to do student teaching without worrying about working. That man is a GEM. Student teaching was a precious experience that confirmed for me what the Lord has created me to do. I loved teaching those 1st and 3rd graders, but it certainly kept me busy! Through my students, I learned to see the gifts that God truly has placed in each individual person that could uniquely give Him glory. I learned to embrace the gifts He has given me so that I can serve Him in the best way I know how. One artistically-gifted child chose to depict me on a unicorn, riding on a rainbow, as a departing gift for me... how ironic.

8. The last month of my student teaching was spent in Quito, Ecuador. I worked with a kinder class and a wonderful teacher in a K-12 bilingual (ish) school. D was such a trooper for letting me go on this trip that I had planned for since sophomore year of college, and I am so thankful!! This month was a strengthener in our marriage and an affirmation that we definitely work better together than apart.

9. Big Milestone #4: Graduation! Less than a week after returning to the States, we graduated from college! This is a photo of the other student teacher at my elementary school. It was so sweet to graduate with each of the people who worked so hard with me to complete each semester. I'm thankful for WKU and all that it has meant to me over the past 4 1/2 years. I've got prospects for teaching jobs in the future, but I'll share more when things are more definite!

That's our 2012 in review. It was a big year for us with a LOT of changes... but we are looking forward to 2013 with big expectations and lots of hope! Merry Christmas :)

Love,

The Dahls

The Danger of Doing Something

The past few weeks, I've joined a friend in leading a small group Bible study for 9th grade girls. It's kind of like a flashback to last year, teaching the same age again. And I still love it.

We're going through Emily's book Graceful. I highly encourage you to check out her blog and read either of the two books she has written-- they were mind- and heart-shifting for me, the perfectionist and I-can-do-it-by-myself girl. I've learned a lot about grace, and I hope these sweet girls are learning, too.

This book has reminded me of a truth that I have tried to remind myself of daily: Doing vs. Believing. The danger of doing is the temptation to put a load on our shoulders of responsibility, guilt, and loneliness. The blessing of believing is freedom, trusting, and peace. Which would you rather have?

Way too many assignments are due at the same time.
What am I supposed to do?

Expectations were not met.
What am I supposed to do? 

The budget is tighter than your pants on Thanksgiving.
What am I supposed to do? 

Failure. Sickness. Death. Loneliness.
What am I supposed to do?  

The awesome D on our front door broke.
What am I supposed to do?

The D on our front door broke into 3 pieces, and so did my heart. Kind of. It was so nice to call our apartment "the one with the D on the door." But try as I might, that D wasn't getting fixed. So I trotted on over to Hobby Lobby and fixed myself a brand new fall wreath!

But some things just can't be "fixed." Have you ever noticed our desperate inclination to try to "fix" every situation that comes our way?? There are some parts of life that just can't be upcycled. As much as we want to, we can't DIY our problems to make them look better than they were before. We may attempt to put it all back together, or replace the problems with a cover-up smile while telling ourselves to "man up," but in the end the problem is still there.

The problem is still there because problems don't get fixed by little ol' us. Rather, a great, big GOD lifts our heads in the middle of the problem.

Suddenly, we stop trying to do something and start trying to believe something. We believe He is good. We believe He is in control.

Way too many assignments are due at the same time.
He is our Rock, a fortress in times of trouble. (Ps. 9:9)

Expectations were not met.
He is sufficient. (Phil. 4:19) 

The budget is tighter than your pants on Thanksgiving.
He is our Provider. (Phil. 4:19) 

Failure. Sickness. Death. Loneliness.
He has a beautiful plan in every tragedy. (2 Cor. 1:3-5, Jer. 29:11) 

I'm thankful that the burden is lifted. I'm not used to simply believing; I'm more of a hang-the-pretty-wreath-you-made-and-hide-your-problems-behind-the-door kind of girl. But the happy part? His grace is teaching me to simply believe instead of trying to do something myself. Because, really, anytime I try to "do something" about my problems... I end up letting myself down. But Christ does not give up on His sweet but oh-so-pathetic children!

What will you choose to believe?

I'm linking this post up with Gospel Homemaking for their Thrive at Home Weekly Linkup. Find lots more great bloggers by clicking here.

Fruit. The non-edible kind.

Today was my mid-term assessment for student teaching, which means my journey is almost halfway complete. Halfway complete. I couldn't believe myself when I told those crazy first-graders that tomorrow will be my last day in their class. I'm actually kind of sad, and yet I can't wait to see what I will be learning in my next placement!

September held lots of exciting and wonderful things, such as letting the laundry pile up on our couch. Let this be an example of what our humble home-apartment has looked like ever since I began student teaching:

I also received a copy last week of the newly published children's book that I helped to edit last semester (!!!):

To top it all off, yet ANOTHER editing piece that I worked on last semester finally made it through the committees and ranks and will be published as an article in an academic journal! I'm not really that smart, I just really like telling people when they spell something wrong or use a comma too often I guess.

Student teaching has had its fair share of stressful moments. That is definitely for sure. I'm learning to embrace the stress and turn it into opportunities to give myself grace, receive grace from my Father, and willingly accept that I'm not perfect. And y'all, I LOVE WHAT I DO. Although I'm working on learning to love the late nights/early mornings, daily "failures," imperfections, outrageous kids who have serious issues, frustrating moments, and parents who don't care as much as I think they should, I love teaching my students each day and I am thrilled to watch them progress through the journey of a school year. I love it. Maybe I'm being too optimistic and naive, but it is incredible to get to this point in my collegiate journey and feel so in-touch with the gifts and abilities God has given me. If we're all uniquely crafted by our Maker to do certain things with excellence and passion, shouldn't we do it with gusto? In a world of people who are still trying to figure out "what to do" with their lives, I'm thankful for a season where I feel useful and completely at peace. I'm thankful that the Lord has cut out a path for me and shown it plainly. For this season, in this moment, I love doing what I do. I love being a wife to D and a teacher to 27 needy and tiny kids. I love being able to develop myself as a professional through writing, editing, and working with words. Waiting for all of that to happen was worth it. The wait was long and it was so often very hard, but this sweet season has been one worth waiting for.

If my junior-in-college self read this post written by another person, my junior-in-college self probably would have felt really bitter and angry. "Why can't I just be there? I'm so tired of the awful stuff that doesn't even matter. Let's just skip to student teaching. I am so tired of waiting and working and wailing over busy work and craziness. And I want a husband." That's what I'd say. But oh, junior-in-college self.... the wait really is worth it. It builds character and makes you realize how much you actually want it. And it helps you give a whole lot of worry and weariness and impatience over to King Jesus. So freshen up and bite the bullet, buddy. You WILL see fruit for your labor. And PS- student teaching & marriage have issues of their own, so let everything work out in its own time. Enjoy eating the same meal for days without worrying about your husband scarfing it all down.

...Someone remind me that I wrote this post one day when I'm fuming and frustrated about teaching all day on only 3 hours of sleep. Really.

For Tomorrow

It's that time again- time to tell a friend I can't hang out because I have homework, time to print the syllabi, time to meet new students. Time to get on with the rest of my life. Rather than complaining about the start of a new semester, I'm taking comfort in these familiar things... but I'm learning that we don't find trust when we're surrounded by the familiar. When everything around me is oh-so-familiar and the norm for me, I forget to lean on God.
When the path ahead is predictable and level, I walk confidently. I need no guide.

What happens when I face a road block? When I'm faced with a new path? When I only see the unpredictable?

"Fear not tomorrow, God is already there."

These past few months have held so many unknowns. So many wonderings and wanderings. So many "what if"s and "where will we go?"s and "why"s. I've done my share of worrying and dreading, but today I release them all to the One who has plans for me. His plans are for us to prosper. His plans include hope and a future. His plans are never meant to harm me. (Jer. 29:11) His plans, although so very different from my own, work together for His good. I am called according to His purpose, therefore I will live for His purposes. (Rom. 8:28)

When the familiar is gone and the unknown is ahead, I find myself falling and trusting that the Lord will carry me on. And He carries me to places I never could have asked for or imagined. (Eph. 3:20)

The Final Final

It's my last finals week ever, and it doesn't help that I'm getting married next week. Based off of my procrastination performance over the last 4 days, I'd say that I likely won't do 1/4th the amount of studying for my English final as I initially planned. Ah, oh well. Jamaica in just 13 days... who can focus when the beach is on the brain??!!

Nevertheless, I am praying for strength and endurance to finish out the semester strong & well. Thankful that I don't have to stress about it- God has been gracious to give me fruit for all the work I've done this semester. I really, truly believe that I wouldn't have been able to make it to this point without relying on His strength and His grace! Just one more day and it will all be over! Yay :)

When a season ends

Uninspired, I close my laptop once more in hopes that I will one day soon be motivated and encouraged to write the feelings I've had for the last month or so. The problem with it all, however, is that the inspiration just isn't there. I've had plenty of feelings and things to spur a slew of paragraphs- transitioning from a college town to the hometown, marriage in a mere 5 weeks, an appreciation for art and nature and God-given gifts in a world full of icky sin and self-glorification, and the sentimental depression that comes with realizing I won't be seeing many BG people again for quite some time. But I just haven't had any inspiration to write about it or truly feel.

Seasons are so funny- the new-ness and mystery of a new season causes my stomach to fill with nervous anticipation, yet I can't grip my heart firmly enough to shake it back into the reality of the present. I remember sitting in a best friend's car in 2007, hovering in my driveway before I hopped out and walked inside my house. We talked about I can't wait's and What will it be like's until our eyes were sleepy and our hearts were dreamy. We wondered, hesitant but curious, if college would provide all of the opportunities we hoped it would. We dismissed the last few months of high school with a flick of the wrist, and we wistfully waited until the day that we would meet our college roommates or create our own schedules. And before we knew it, high school was gone.

College will be gone in the blink of an eye. The calendar posted on the back of my bedroom door grows smaller and smaller, as the weeks are peeled off and the days count down. If I am "but a vapor," what do I have to show for the last four years of college?

Here are 10 things that, 4 years ago, I never thought would come out of my own mouth:

1. "I will miss BG."


2. "I don't need friends to make me secure. Christ is my sufficiency."


3. "These green beans I made actually taste pretty good."


4. "It's okay, because He is in control."


5. "I love you, David."


6. "When I went to West Africa..."


7. "I really want to move to the Middle East."


8. "I will really miss those precious high school girls."


9. "I'm not sure if I'll get a B or a C in that class. Oh well- I worked hard."


10. "Go Cats!" (oh wait, I never actually said that)

Today I am thankful for the journey He has taken me on and the road He has in store for me. There is a time for everything under the sun, and I am trying as hard as I can to appreciate each little bitty thing that He throws me in each season. Will I always be thankful for everything? Probably not. Right now I'm feeling really hateful towards the Teacher Work Sample and class in general. Will I try to adjust my attitude so that I can make the most of these last 3 weeks of class? Absolutely.

I am so so so looking forward to May 19 and beyond, but I want to sweetly savor every last bit of these last 4 weeks in this unique and short season!

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." -Ecc. 3:1

The Potential for Today

As the semester unwinds and my heart comes alive, I can't help but wonder what parts of life have passed by unknowingly in the months of busy business. The long nights and longer days full of TWS editing and lesson creating are gone for the time being, and my soul skips to bed around 10:30 or so as I check off the last thing on my to-do list. I never finish a to-do list. After a season of swimming with my head just above the surface, gasping for a sweet breath of air, it is nice to take a breather on a raft in the middle of a cool ocean.   He is good like that. In allowing myself to learn how to rest, He has made it easier to lean against the wall of His protective hands. I don't have to go through the busy seasons alone and on my own. I don't even have to depend on myself to get a 60-minute quiet time wedged into my day every single day. Rather, He provides time by His own sweet grace.

He provides it through beautiful days and long, painful runs. Between the gasps of air, I breathe You provide enough. That's just it- He provides just enough life, breath, and oxygen to get me to the next mile marker. He provides me with just enough life, breath, alertness, and motivation to get me to the next task, list, responsibility, and bedtime. He teaches me these lessons as I'm struggling for physical strength to make it the next 1/4 mile.

He provides quiet time through anxious moments at school. When I walk up and down the hallway, tension rising in my bones from people or deadlines or crazy students, I breathe You are my Creator. My exaltation of Him in the most stressful moments causes my days to feel so tiny and non-dramatic. I like it that way. He gives me an eternal perspective and Creator-sized perspective so that I can give kind attention to each student and handle each stressful situation with an attitude and words which say You are my Creator, and You have an eternal purpose for me. My dreams and ambitions and situations don't seem nearly as enormous when I think of it that way. Not even the 70-something page Teacher Work Sample can intimidate me.

Life has passed by me in a blink, and I wonder where all of the Spring semester has gone. I could wish that I had invested more, prayed more, loved more, done more, planned more, or smiled more, but in the end I know that He still loves me and provides me with enough grace to do all of those things, upon His strength, tomorrow. Today, even. So rather than feeling saddened and regretful about how Spring 2012 has passed by in a blink, I will rejoice in the opportunity to make the most of it today. He has given me more than I could ever have asked for or imagined, and I am so so thankful for the opportunity to learn that through my weaknesses.

The Tragedy of Today

I am daily reminded that this Earth is not our home. What God created to be beautiful has tragically been tainted by sin and death. Those beautiful, budding, pollen-infested trees outside are causing me pain and suffering. The sweet father-daughter relationship of a precious young lady has been separated by death. I grow tired of waiting weeks to see my wonderful fiancé who is miles away. Running after my ambitions and passions and what I love to do- loving on children and families, namely- is tiring, exhausting, and takes up a lot of my energy and focus. This Earth is not our home.

It is so easy to walk around life focused on all the hard things. Today I felt defeated after running late, getting griped out on the phone at work, and remaining quiet during my English class-intimidated by all the smarter people in the room. Then I felt exhausted because of the work I will have to do to learn what everyone else already seems to know. God created work- but did He create work in the Garden to be such a burdensome and toiling task? I don't think so. It wasn't until the Fall and Sin that people started dying, work became a bother, and people felt distanced from God. All I can gather from this is that we were not created to live in a world full of so much pain.

But the great news? The great news is that there is a Place where there is no pain. No suffering from beautiful and blooming plants, no severed relationships, no death, no sickness, no weariness or hopeless exhaustion. There is a place we were created for that offers so much more than this world could ever give.

Although He created us for a home in Heaven that is yet to come, I believe that He gives us daily reminders of the Coming Age in the little crevices of the daily grind. In the midst of a trying day in a particular second grade classroom, He brought a reminder that my tiny efforts to love on the unloved are actually paying off. My only prayer is that this sweet little girl will understand that I'm just loving her out of obedience to the One who loves her more than we could ever understand- that is, this side of Heaven. On a day when the weight of the world was nearly pulling me down to the dirt of the playground floor, He whispered a gentle reminder that our faithfulness is essential as we walk through the wait. I wait for our Home. I wait for Restoration. But until then, I pray for obedience in this very broken but tragically beautiful world.

The Adventure of Today

I don't know where I'm going, really. I am spinning my tires over and over again, rolling out a list of work to get done by the end of the week so that I can start on the next list. I feel like that gerbil we used to have in our room that decided to run on the wheel at the most annoying time of night... I never did like that little critter. And I don't like running with no purpose.

...and yet, I never once stopped to think that it was for a purpose.

I have always dreamed of getting to a point in my life where the road was open and free, ready for fresh decisions and no hindrances. Of picking which direction I want to go and going for it. I've dreamed of walking down the open path with many forks, happily skipping down whichever path seems more exciting. I dreamt of a day when life had so much potential to give me the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do. One day.

But maybe this life of treadmill pacing and circle spinning is actually for a reason? Maybe the Lord presented me with nights like last night/morning, hunched over a lesson plan and wearing the life out of my contacts, in order that He might show me how to rely on Him alone. When my weakness is entirely revealed and all the strength is drained away, He shows me in the calm of the night how absolutely pleasureable His purposes and His strength can be. I never imagined that this semester would be an adventure, but it is proving to be such a treasure inside a jar of clay. The dull ordinary of daily tasks hold inside of them a life of learning how richly sweet His strength truly is. And when I realize that His strength truly shows up when I'm weak, I find so much more purpose and adventure to all these nights of rolling to-do lists.

When I'm Overwhelmed

It's been a crazy 2 weeks. There have been many "small" things that have tempted me to despair and grow weary. When piled up on top of one another, those little things add up to a giant tower which looms over me with a shadow that makes me forget that I ever basked in the Light. I know no other cry than "at the end of my heart's testing, with Your Likeness let me wake."

When it seems that I have so much to do, so many decisions to make, so many transitions to come upon, so many unexpected things to deal with, and so much money to spend on so many things that won't even matter come June... I find my rest in the joy that I can wake every morning looking at the face of Jesus- because He's been here all along.

Each season has a tower of its own; I feel as though I am taking on two towers at once as a future wife-student. But the great thing is that Christ is bigger than the tower. He confused the languages at Babel, and He can remain un-overwhelmable by the things that I see looming before me. My tower is not so huge that He can't handle it. Isn't it sweet to know that Jesus is there?

A pep talk for my last semester

School starts tomorrow, and I'm sitting here attempting to read each 25-page syllabus/do the readings (who gives homework before classes even begin?!?!), but all I've accomplished is making a pitcher of passion tea and breaking my heart to the sound of Boyce Avenue (just listen- http://youtu.be/GhFSgnvKqm4). Oh well. It is still break, after all.

College has been full of transitions- both smooth and abrupt- and it seems that college students just learn to brace themselves for every jerk of the ride. New friendships blossom at the beginning of every semester, often wilting as soon as someone transfers, graduates, or just plain gives up on school altogether. New dorm rooms and new professors at the start of each year. New freshman to make you realize how old you have gotten (and I couldn't have possibly looked that small and immature when I was a freshman?!...). New classes at the beginning of every semester allow us to pick our new favorite seat and get a new reputation with the professor and the class. You decide your social fate on the very first day of class- if you are talkative and introduce yourself to those around you, you may make new friends to share notes/beg for help/complain about the class with... but if you keep to yourself on the first day, staring at the syllabus on your desk until the professor waltzes in to explain it, you probably will go in & out from class every day without even learning the name of the person next to you. The first day of class is always a new beginning. They are broken up by so many breaks and long car rides up & down I-65 and rolling suitcases and stuff you can pack easily that suddenly... everything begins to seem so temporary. So. Many. Transitions.

The big transitions are coming up for me in just 4 months. I'll be leaving my apartment in Bowling Green which I share with 2 other girls, moving back to Louisville, living with a boy, living in Louisville, leaving my church, leaving WKU, student teaching in JCPS, then getting a big girl teaching job (Lord willing, in January!). Oh my goodness. Suddenly, I want to cherish that 8:00 a.m. class that I have tomorrow morning and the little apartment that I share with my sweet friends. I want to appreciate and find joy in the wedding planning process, and I want to enjoy being engaged until the day that we are married. I want to cherish the time I have left at my precious church, because I'm going to miss it so much when I leave. The last 4 years have been full of so many temporary things that I've dismissed with wishful "If only time could move faster"s and "I can't wait"s. Rather than complaining, I'm praying that the Lord humbles me to realize that my season of singleness is a rare gem that I won't get back come May 19. How will He use me until then?

I am so thrilled to find out how He'll use me as a married woman, but until then... I pray that He'll use me to His maximum potential in the time I have left as a single one.

In the meantime, I'm using this short amount of time I've got left before I get married to learn how to cook- I keep saying I'll do it, but I've put it off. I took a Gourmet Foods class last year, which was a start, but I really am terrible at making food. So go to my "Operation Domestication" page (thank you for appreciating my creative title) to watch the process- I really hope it works out :) ha.

4 months. I'm ready now. Thank you for reading my mental pep talk to go read those syllabi and have a happy heart about it.

When God Causes the Storm

Sometimes, the Lord gives us trials that are quick and shocking. Other times, the trials come in long and draining seasons. Either way, each person on this earth is faced with the decision of courage: do we fight or do we allow ourselves to be defeated?

For the Christian, trials are made so much easier when we understand our eternal purpose. I can vividly remember finding comfort in the song "Trading my Sorrows" on a mission trip to NYC shortly after receiving news that my Memaw would probably only live for a few more months. 3 weeks later, I clung to that song and to Scripture as I attended her funeral. I came to realize that God often brings trials to my life with complete awareness and intention.

Psalm 107:23-32 paints a brilliant picture of what trials and testing of our faith looks like for the Believer. God sent a tempest upon a ship, driving sailors to their knees with high waves and whipping wind. The sailors "were at their wit's end," and as their courage melted away they cried out to the Lord. He quieted the storm "to a whisper" and guided them to their haven- but only once they had turned to Him as the sole source of strength and safety.

The Lord doesn't seek simply to give me a miserable life. No, as a Believer, the trials and tests of my faith have so much more meaning and purpose. God brings trials and tests of our faith in order to draw us closer to Himself and give us a greater sense of awe about who He is and what He has done!

These past few years, a college schedule and daily planner have dangled in front of my face, tempting me and testing my faithfulness and discipline to the Word. They have won many small battles, and I have nearly been at my wit's end. My courage dwindles, and my strength melts away. In those moments when I am the most weak and the least likely to stand on my own, I find that God has brought me to this trial in order that I might find HIM as my firm foundation to stand upon.

All I can say is that I want to emerge from this testing of my faith with an awakened sense of how strong the Lord truly is- I want to emerge from testing with a renewed desire for the Father. I have been tested and tempted in so many ways- attempting to patch up those trials with feeble mustering of my own courage- but as soon as my shaky legs rise to stand, my crumbling foundation causes me to fall again. I will not stand firm by making a long list of New Year's Resolutions. I will not stand firm by creating a plan to make myself simply a more disciplined Christian (only to find the list crammed in the back of my desk drawer months later, ignored and neglected). I will not stand firm by attempting to find the courage to fight it all by myself. Only in Christ will I truly stand, and only with Christ's strength will I pass through this storm.

I love "Draw Me Ever Nearer" by the Gettys, and I'll let the lyrics speak for themselves:

"Jesus draw me ever nearer as I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage, and I'll follow, though I'm worn.
May this journey bring a blessing, may I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing, with Your likeness let me wake.
Jesus guide me through the tempest; Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning, let me love You even more.
Let the treasures of the trial form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage, let me leave them at Your throne."

Finals and Foot Surgery

It's 5 a.m., and I'm sitting here on the couch at home waiting for my drowsy pain meds to kick in. Finals week ended for me on Monday night in a flurry of packing, pacing, and cramming for the last English final of the semester. I rang in Christmas Break with foot surgery on both of my feet to straighten out the bunions on my big toes. I'd like to clarify for the world that my bunions are structural and hereditary issues- not those naaaasty callouses that form as a result of wearing heels one too many times. This chick doesn't even like to wear heels. In fact, I don't really even like feet.

This awesome man has been a champ- he's watched me be way too giggly before surgery, when I almost answered the anesthesiologist's question of "is there anything that hinders you from doing anything physically?" by saying "well, I can't fly, if that's what you mean." (it was a lot funnier when I was on pain meds) He's watched me cry way too much and mope way too much and demand for him to drag me around the house/bring me things. He's the bomb.PS- I don't have any recollection of this being taken. All I remember is that they played Justin Timberlake in the surgery room.

It's been quite a week. I hardly remember now the blur of a week I just had studying for finals. However, here's a recap of the 7th finals week of my college career:

• I scheduled one too many dinner dates with people, attempting to cram them all in before I left to go home. Oops. But it was well worth it :)


• On the first day of "my finals week" (last week), I gave 3 presentations. Every single one of them were made up on the fly, with Powerpoints as my guide. By the end of it, I felt full of myself and felt like I was standing on an enormous soapbox. Yeehaw.


• Let's just say that I have had some issues with laptops this semester. The sound on this borrowed laptop and my headphones were seemingly "out of order." Unfortunately, my go-to study spot is Barnes & Noble, and you would be surprised at how many people talk at an alarming noise level in that little cafe. Needless to say, I learned a lot about cat litter and honors thesis projects and a lady's irritating rash over the last week...


• The night before a huge lesson was due, I camped out at Starbucks until they closed. I returned to the same table the next morning. Starbucks employee: "wait, did you stay here all night?" Yes, yes I did.


• Ladies and Gents, I pulled my first ever all-nighter on the night before 2 papers and one final were due! I got so much done- both papers, the final, some overdue sewing, etc. Who knew you could be so productive in the early morning hours? I began to rethink my decision as I sat in the food court at 7:45 a.m., waiting to go to work, staring blankly ahead and holding an uneaten Poptart. Early mornings (and long nights) make me do strange things, like eating a Poptart. I got a 97% on that dang paper, and my professor commented on it with "a very thorough and well-thought paper. a pleasure to read." Ha.


• By Friday, I had found some awesome ways to procrastinate on any form of studying or paper-writing. Included: begging Erin to let me open my Christmas present, checking Facebook, complaining, Zumba, looking at high school photos, complaining, thrift store shopping, taking Photobooth pictures on D's iPad, reading adoption blogs, complaining, etc...


• By Sunday, my brain had turned to mush, and I realized it officially when I listened to a song off JB's Christmas album (given to me by a precious high school young lady!). The lyrics: "Leave me some cookies, I will eat them all." What I thought it said: "If your lips were cookies, I would eat them all."


• As I drove to my last final on Monday night, I left the music off in my car and didn't talk to a soul on the way into class. My reasoning? I needed to attempt to hold in all the information that I just crammed into my brain, because it would fall out/get lost if I spoke or listened to anything else. That was a legitimate fear.

On today's to-do list: sleep, eat, take medicine, get carried/dragged (drug?) to the bathroom, watch TV. Maybe I'll even get around to reading a book or knitting- we shall see what I have time for ;)

Day 30: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

I get a little tingly feeling when I think about where I'll be on December 7, 2012. Life will look so different in a year, and I'm thankful yet terrified. Where will He lead me? Where will I be? I have so many plans, yet they all rest in the Father's hands and He can do whatever He wants with them.

This time next year, I hope to be married to D and keeping up with a precious little apartment in Louisville (location TBA). This exact time next year, I hope to be finishing up the tail end of my student teaching by spending a few weeks in Quito, Ecuador with some bilingual students at a ridiculously expensive P-12 school. I pray, so much, that my time in Ecuador will have been preceded by some student teaching with ESL and elementary students in Jefferson County. I will be dreaming of walking the line and ending my time at WKU in December- finally.

I really really really hope it doesn't rain the week before May 19. I really extra super hope that it doesn't rain on May 19. I've put in a couple requests to the Weather Man up there in the sky, but you never know what He'll have up His sleeve :)

I'm dreaming of a summer, after finishing Block 2, of simply working and decorating a new home. I realized yesterday that I haven't spent a whole summer in Louisville since my sophomore year of high school, and so it will be interesting to experience my hometown once again in the middle of the hot months!

I'm really hoping that my foot surgery goes very well in order that I can get back into running. I've always loved running, and often get in these weird moods where all I want to do is burst outside and run a mile or two (mostly happens when I'm hunched over Microsoft Word for hours), but the combination of weak knees/shin splints/hurt ankles/bunions (go ahead and laugh) have kept me from running since I joined the track team in high school. Once my crooked toes are straightened out, I really hope I'll be able to run without pain!

I'm dreaming of getting involved at Americana once again after moving back home. In fact, I'm dreaming about all the possibilities for working with immigrants & refugees that Louisville has to offer- especially in the summertime, when I'll have (a little bit more) free time!

There's so much more I'm hoping for... but we'll see what happens :)

Day 21: Bullet my entire day

Well, I couldn't have picked a more boring day to bullet, but here it is!

• 6:30 a.m.- Roll out of my bed, see that the rain has not gone away, decide not to take a shower (I'm just conserving water), and eat breakfast in blissful peace while reading some of Psalms. Mornings = my favorites


• 8 a.m.- Arrive to class a little drenched and definitely not excited about Thanksgiving Break being over. My attention span for those 7 hours was about 30 seconds. Most days, I love my major so so much, and today was actually pretty interesting, but Christmas Break couldn't get here sooner!


• 3 pm- Skipped my Monday workout to go home and do linguistics homework. Felt totally dumb when it didn't make any sense. Took roomie to class, and met with my professor to try and scrounge up some help on the impossible worksheet. On my way to her office with another classmate, we spotted our old English professor from 3 or 4 semesters ago and stopped to say hi. The incredible thing was that he still remembered us and asked things about us that he could still recall from 2 years ago- now, when you attend a public university of 15,000 students, that is impressive. Sometimes I just love WKU- and I'm not just saying that because I work for the admissions office.


• 5:30 pm- Went to night class and felt very relieved when everyone else in the class had the same helpless feelings about that crazy worksheet. Listened to grad students give presentations on morphology in the elementary classroom and Japanese morphology.


• 8 pm- Left class craving Japanese food, but instead of going to Shogun I went grocercy shopping since my food inventory at home currently consists of peanuts, peanut butter, pasta, and mint chocolate chip ice cream. After happily arriving to checkout and filling my cart full of bagged delicious food, dreaming of all the things I could eat now that my pantry will actually be full, my debit card was denied and I almost cried because that has never happened to me before. And when I say never, I mean that my budget and PNC account are monitered closely enough that I've never had to worry about overdraft protection or anything like that. But apparently, the gasoline gods of Thanksgiving Break decided to suck enough money out of my bank account that they wouldn't let me buy food! So I ran home, transferred some money between accounts, and decided that eating pasta with the roommates was a better idea than going back to WalMart and starting the grocery shopping all over again.


• 9 pm- Roomie dinner, with Christmas decorations up and watching parts of The Terror of Tiny Town (I can already hear all of your judgmental thoughts- and they're probably well-deserved), and procrastination until now- after I finish this post, the homework begins!

Such an interesting day, wasn't it?

Day 6: Something I have learned

Seeing as I am in college, and thus learning something new everyday, answering this question is like grabbing one drip of water from a fire hydrant. I'll just share with you the first thing that comes to my mind:

Tonight in my linguistics class, I realized how much Zarma I learned over the summer, and I was actually rather proud of myself. The rest of the class couldn't figure out how to use the "ng" sound in any part of the word except the end (like in "sing"), but I threw out the words "ngwaari" and "ngoya" and felt pretty darn proud of myself! I've learned to communicate in an African language, and tonight it just hit me how cool that is! Honestly, it makes me want to rattle off a couple Zarma sentences to anyone who cares to listen- I don't want to lose that skill!

Because I was feeling all cool about myself but also rather humbled because I've already forgotten the word for water, I refreshed myself on a great Zarma website and had a little throwback to the hot days of Niger summers! It's a little crazy to think that it was almost second nature at the time to speak in the African language rather than my native language while I was there just a few months ago.

Although I often say I hate that English linguistics class because the professor is extremely brilliant and challenging (she is working on creating an official dictionary for the national oral African language of Liberia... she's intense), I think that's the reason I love it. I have been challenged to think and to apply everything I've learned about different languages to the lives of my future students- and it excites me to no end to think about all the ways that the Lord could use the study of phonetics to glorify His name. Sounds cool, right? :) She is so dang hard and sometimes I want to dislike her because she has such high expectations of me, but I learn more and more every time I walk into that passionate, enthusiastic, brilliant professor's classroom. It makes me want to go out and translate a Bible or something- seriously, linguistics is so cool.

So that's something I've learned lately :) And just for old times' sake, a picture of one of those sweet (and crazy) Zarma-speaking people that I came to love in a unique way by living with her all summer:

Miss her. Praying that she'll see the Light and understand.

The Best You Can Be

I have almost jumped out of my seat in excitement and amazement at least 4 times while studying today. While studying, guys. This is weird.

This semester has been one of the most challenging, exhausting, potential-for-stress semesters of my entire life. And yet, I am absolutely loving all the content I am learning in each and every class! Maybe it's because last year I dozed through classes on star formation and the 5 themes of geography (let's be honest, that stuff just doesn't pique my interest)... but all I know is I leave every day of class challenged because I don't yet know enough about how to be a great teacher and friend to the "unloveable." I can actually apply the things I learn in class Monday night to a situation I'm in Tuesday evening! If I wasn't sure if teaching/loving-on-overlooked-kids was my passion before, I'm certain of it now. I'm challenged because there is still so much more for me to learn, and the challenge excites me to no end.

It has become very easy for me to fall into the trap of "be the best [fill in the blank] you can be." Be the best student. The best teacher. The best future wife.  The most competent. The greatest friend. The most reliable. The most successful. The least dependent upon Christ? The most prideful? Yep.

I'm thankful that God has planted a desire in my heart for something that matters. He has created me to thrive in a setting where there are ethnically diverse children who need someone to show them a little love. He created me to glorify HIM most in that setting, and I absolutely LOVE discovering this about myself as my life unfolds. But do you see where things go wrong? When I'm trying to be the best in any given situation in order to promote myself, I am defaming the One who gave me the abilities in the first place. This is the dilemma of a "good girl," of a girl who has always been held to higher expectations and has almost always met them. Life gets harder when you're working at it for your own gain.

It's true, you should be the best you can be, in all situations. Slacking off shouldn't be an option. But why are you being the best you can be? Is it to make someone proud? To make yourself proud? To impress others? To please the Lord? He gives grace to the humble to accomplish any task that will glorify Him alone.

"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ" -Galatians 6:14

The Break in Spring

All I've eaten today is Captain Crunch, colby cheese, and Doritos.
I haven't washed my face or brushed my teeth or changed out of the hoodie & PJ pants I slept in, and it's already 3:00. (sorry if that's a gross visual, but it's really not that bad...?)
I am working on a mid-term due next week, but it's frequently interrupted by Facebook and blog-reading or brain freezes (read: look outside at the beautiful weather and ponder life for 20 minutes at a time).
I don't feel one bit of remorse, because this time next week I'll be right back in the swing of things- hooray for Spring Break!