Our 2012 Christmas Card

I'll admit I'm not on the top of my game for Christmas. I decorated our apartment in a frenzy upon returning to the States 15 days before Christmas, but you won't be receiving a Christmas card from the Dahls for their first married Christmas and you definitely won't be seeing us hosting a Christmas party. But it's okay because I'm back in America and I'm soaking up a lot of relaxing time at home with my husband and close friends. In my home. Eating a lot of cookies. So here is our own Christmas card of sorts, with a recap of my/our 2012:

2012 has been perfect in so many ways, yet I have never been so s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d as I was this year. And there were LOTS of big milestones hit!! Shall we look at the highlights?

1. Foot surgery happened at the end of 2011, but I kicked off the first few minutes of 2012 by attempting to play Just Dance in my parents' living room in my awesome post-op shoes. It was interesting. My new walking skills were compared to those of a stork, baby fawn, and a one-year-old child. Needless to say, we grew as a soon-to-be-married couple when he carried me to the bathroom and washed my hair for me. How cute. One year later, I have beautifully scarred and bunion-less feet!

2. With the wedding coming up, I spent all of my free time creating wedding things and attending bridal showers. I have sweet friends! When I wasn't doing schoolwork, my days were consumed with creating boutonnieres and finding the right clothes for the bridal party. David helped eat shower food and nod his head in approval of every item we registered for. Actually, that last part isn't 100% true. Woohoo for wedding planning!

3. Big Milestone #1: Renting our first home. One week before the wedding, we moved into the most PRECIOUS townhouse apartment in Louisville. I love love love our first home; it has been a huge joy to spend our first year of marriage in this area!

4. Big Milestone #2: Marriage. On May 19, I married my best friend and promised to love him forever. It has only gotten better since then, and I'm oh-so-thankful for a husband who has grown and matured in 7 months SO much more than I ever could have anticipated. The love fern we planted on that first day of marriage is still thriving in our living room, even though D didn't water it for the entire month I was out of the country... even so, the fern thrives!!! What does that tell you about our AWESOME marriage?! We also went on a honeymoon to Jamaica, where we stuffed ourselves with good food and slept like there was no tomorrow. Weddings are exhausting.

5. With our wedding over, it was time to get ready for another family matrimony! David's sister Jamie got married to sweet Blake in August. We went to lots of weddings for friends this year, but this one was definitely the most special. I loved getting to meet many of David's family members and spend some time getting to know them. And now, even more exciting news... we will be aunt and uncle to sweet little Brantley in May!! We're so excited for the Harwoods!!!

7. Big Milestone #3: Student teaching. D worked full-time (and usually overtime) at his job so that I would be able to do student teaching without worrying about working. That man is a GEM. Student teaching was a precious experience that confirmed for me what the Lord has created me to do. I loved teaching those 1st and 3rd graders, but it certainly kept me busy! Through my students, I learned to see the gifts that God truly has placed in each individual person that could uniquely give Him glory. I learned to embrace the gifts He has given me so that I can serve Him in the best way I know how. One artistically-gifted child chose to depict me on a unicorn, riding on a rainbow, as a departing gift for me... how ironic.

8. The last month of my student teaching was spent in Quito, Ecuador. I worked with a kinder class and a wonderful teacher in a K-12 bilingual (ish) school. D was such a trooper for letting me go on this trip that I had planned for since sophomore year of college, and I am so thankful!! This month was a strengthener in our marriage and an affirmation that we definitely work better together than apart.

9. Big Milestone #4: Graduation! Less than a week after returning to the States, we graduated from college! This is a photo of the other student teacher at my elementary school. It was so sweet to graduate with each of the people who worked so hard with me to complete each semester. I'm thankful for WKU and all that it has meant to me over the past 4 1/2 years. I've got prospects for teaching jobs in the future, but I'll share more when things are more definite!

That's our 2012 in review. It was a big year for us with a LOT of changes... but we are looking forward to 2013 with big expectations and lots of hope! Merry Christmas :)

Love,

The Dahls

When I only wrote to my husband

I have never been so inconsistent in keeping up with my blog, but I'll attribute the deserted posts to the fact that we haven't had Internet in our home since we moved in. Blogging takes a back seat when precious Internet time is spent checking oh-so-important emails at the closest coffee shop. And it's annoying.

It seems like I have spent a lot of the past year wanting and waiting for a lot of things. In the middle of Dahl Wedding chaos, my heart held desires for so many things that I could do nothing but wait for. And even now, as a married couple we wait for more.

Financial security.

A teaching job, come January.

Elimination of massive loans.

Travel across the ocean to reach lost hearts.

Direction.

With every family, couple, or individual who passes by and gains the things we so long to have, my heart can't help but plant seeds of jealousy and want. But, as He usually does, the Lord calls my yearning heart toward something better. He reminds me that He is teaching us something through the wants and the waits.

This morning I found a box that held hundreds of pages of wanting and waiting. I called it my "Forever Box," and it came to me a long time ago when my grandparents bought a coat from Forever21 and gave it to me in the box. Rather than throwing the sturdy box away, I used it to begin storing letters and momentos for my future husband... the man who is now my husband.

I wrote the first letter to my future husband when I was just 15. It was innocent, pure, and now extremely embarrassing (apparently text-talk was cool to write on paper in 2005), but it promised my husband that I was committed to waiting for him. For 7 more years, I wrote pages and pages of letters sharing with my husband and with Jesus just how excited or anxious I was about meeting my husband and staying disciplined enough to be committed to purity. Somehow, these letters and journals helped give my longing heart something to cling to because I knew that the Lord would one day provide what I wanted so badly. And if He did not provide a husband, I knew that I could be content because He had been with me through the whole waiting process and I needed no one else. When my heart gravitated toward other boys, and even when I dated D, I tried to keep my heart fixed on the man the Lord had planned for me through the contents of that little box. My waiting and wanting became subject to the Lord's plans, timing, and ultimate will. Only His.

On our wedding day, D opened the box I had reserved for him. I wish so much that I had been able to see him open it, but I think the box encouraged and lifted MY heart more than  his because of the journey I traveled to get that box into his hands! Because I was willing to wait and put all my wants in Christ, He showed me how joyful life can be if we are completely satisfied in Him. He showed me that I don't need a husband in order to be satisfied. As D read the letters from a 15- and 17-year-old Emily in the Dallas airport on the way to our honeymoon, I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment and cried in thankfulness. The Lord listened to my yearning heart and, in wisdom, waited until I had learned the lessons He had in store for me. And I am thankful.

God has always, always, always known what is best for us. He knows the right time, the right person, the best situations, and the perfect place for every.single.one.of.us. He knew that D would be the husband I wrote to for years, and He knew that our lives would look nothing like we had ever planned. He knows why we are in Louisville, looking for jobs that we never thought we'd want to do and budgeting tighter than we ever thought we'd need. He knows, and He wants us to wait to understand why on Earth we are just now finding these interesting changes of events. And He reminds me that He is sovereign over all of it by showing me journals that I wrote while waiting for my future husband.

So the only waiting that I'll keep complaining about is waiting for my hair to dry- it takes 4 hours, people.

Year 1 of Engagement

D surprised me last night and came down to BG just to say hi and eat dinner with his fiance of one whole year last night- and it was so so SO great to see him! It's crazy that this ring is already a year old:



I always thought it was kind of weird to celebrate the anniversary of an engagement, especially because I feel like engagements were not meant to ever be this long. But such is life, and we have really loved learning and growing so much in this season before entering into marriage! It all started with a pretty sweet Valentine's Day date in 2010:



Then the greatest proposal on April 2, 2011:



And the adventure of engagement all the way up until now:



And in just 46 days, we'll get married in this exact spot! Get excited, because we sure are:



Thankful for a sweet fiance and soon-to-be husband; He is a gift!

A pep talk for my last semester

School starts tomorrow, and I'm sitting here attempting to read each 25-page syllabus/do the readings (who gives homework before classes even begin?!?!), but all I've accomplished is making a pitcher of passion tea and breaking my heart to the sound of Boyce Avenue (just listen- http://youtu.be/GhFSgnvKqm4). Oh well. It is still break, after all.

College has been full of transitions- both smooth and abrupt- and it seems that college students just learn to brace themselves for every jerk of the ride. New friendships blossom at the beginning of every semester, often wilting as soon as someone transfers, graduates, or just plain gives up on school altogether. New dorm rooms and new professors at the start of each year. New freshman to make you realize how old you have gotten (and I couldn't have possibly looked that small and immature when I was a freshman?!...). New classes at the beginning of every semester allow us to pick our new favorite seat and get a new reputation with the professor and the class. You decide your social fate on the very first day of class- if you are talkative and introduce yourself to those around you, you may make new friends to share notes/beg for help/complain about the class with... but if you keep to yourself on the first day, staring at the syllabus on your desk until the professor waltzes in to explain it, you probably will go in & out from class every day without even learning the name of the person next to you. The first day of class is always a new beginning. They are broken up by so many breaks and long car rides up & down I-65 and rolling suitcases and stuff you can pack easily that suddenly... everything begins to seem so temporary. So. Many. Transitions.

The big transitions are coming up for me in just 4 months. I'll be leaving my apartment in Bowling Green which I share with 2 other girls, moving back to Louisville, living with a boy, living in Louisville, leaving my church, leaving WKU, student teaching in JCPS, then getting a big girl teaching job (Lord willing, in January!). Oh my goodness. Suddenly, I want to cherish that 8:00 a.m. class that I have tomorrow morning and the little apartment that I share with my sweet friends. I want to appreciate and find joy in the wedding planning process, and I want to enjoy being engaged until the day that we are married. I want to cherish the time I have left at my precious church, because I'm going to miss it so much when I leave. The last 4 years have been full of so many temporary things that I've dismissed with wishful "If only time could move faster"s and "I can't wait"s. Rather than complaining, I'm praying that the Lord humbles me to realize that my season of singleness is a rare gem that I won't get back come May 19. How will He use me until then?

I am so thrilled to find out how He'll use me as a married woman, but until then... I pray that He'll use me to His maximum potential in the time I have left as a single one.

In the meantime, I'm using this short amount of time I've got left before I get married to learn how to cook- I keep saying I'll do it, but I've put it off. I took a Gourmet Foods class last year, which was a start, but I really am terrible at making food. So go to my "Operation Domestication" page (thank you for appreciating my creative title) to watch the process- I really hope it works out :) ha.

4 months. I'm ready now. Thank you for reading my mental pep talk to go read those syllabi and have a happy heart about it.

Finals and Foot Surgery

It's 5 a.m., and I'm sitting here on the couch at home waiting for my drowsy pain meds to kick in. Finals week ended for me on Monday night in a flurry of packing, pacing, and cramming for the last English final of the semester. I rang in Christmas Break with foot surgery on both of my feet to straighten out the bunions on my big toes. I'd like to clarify for the world that my bunions are structural and hereditary issues- not those naaaasty callouses that form as a result of wearing heels one too many times. This chick doesn't even like to wear heels. In fact, I don't really even like feet.

This awesome man has been a champ- he's watched me be way too giggly before surgery, when I almost answered the anesthesiologist's question of "is there anything that hinders you from doing anything physically?" by saying "well, I can't fly, if that's what you mean." (it was a lot funnier when I was on pain meds) He's watched me cry way too much and mope way too much and demand for him to drag me around the house/bring me things. He's the bomb.PS- I don't have any recollection of this being taken. All I remember is that they played Justin Timberlake in the surgery room.

It's been quite a week. I hardly remember now the blur of a week I just had studying for finals. However, here's a recap of the 7th finals week of my college career:

• I scheduled one too many dinner dates with people, attempting to cram them all in before I left to go home. Oops. But it was well worth it :)


• On the first day of "my finals week" (last week), I gave 3 presentations. Every single one of them were made up on the fly, with Powerpoints as my guide. By the end of it, I felt full of myself and felt like I was standing on an enormous soapbox. Yeehaw.


• Let's just say that I have had some issues with laptops this semester. The sound on this borrowed laptop and my headphones were seemingly "out of order." Unfortunately, my go-to study spot is Barnes & Noble, and you would be surprised at how many people talk at an alarming noise level in that little cafe. Needless to say, I learned a lot about cat litter and honors thesis projects and a lady's irritating rash over the last week...


• The night before a huge lesson was due, I camped out at Starbucks until they closed. I returned to the same table the next morning. Starbucks employee: "wait, did you stay here all night?" Yes, yes I did.


• Ladies and Gents, I pulled my first ever all-nighter on the night before 2 papers and one final were due! I got so much done- both papers, the final, some overdue sewing, etc. Who knew you could be so productive in the early morning hours? I began to rethink my decision as I sat in the food court at 7:45 a.m., waiting to go to work, staring blankly ahead and holding an uneaten Poptart. Early mornings (and long nights) make me do strange things, like eating a Poptart. I got a 97% on that dang paper, and my professor commented on it with "a very thorough and well-thought paper. a pleasure to read." Ha.


• By Friday, I had found some awesome ways to procrastinate on any form of studying or paper-writing. Included: begging Erin to let me open my Christmas present, checking Facebook, complaining, Zumba, looking at high school photos, complaining, thrift store shopping, taking Photobooth pictures on D's iPad, reading adoption blogs, complaining, etc...


• By Sunday, my brain had turned to mush, and I realized it officially when I listened to a song off JB's Christmas album (given to me by a precious high school young lady!). The lyrics: "Leave me some cookies, I will eat them all." What I thought it said: "If your lips were cookies, I would eat them all."


• As I drove to my last final on Monday night, I left the music off in my car and didn't talk to a soul on the way into class. My reasoning? I needed to attempt to hold in all the information that I just crammed into my brain, because it would fall out/get lost if I spoke or listened to anything else. That was a legitimate fear.

On today's to-do list: sleep, eat, take medicine, get carried/dragged (drug?) to the bathroom, watch TV. Maybe I'll even get around to reading a book or knitting- we shall see what I have time for ;)

Day 28: Highs/lows of 2011

I think it's rather obvious what my highs have been for 2011- since January, I have gotten engaged, bought a wedding dress, and lived in Africa. Each of those things seemed like unattainable events of Future Emily- and it's the oddest feeling for Present Emily to experience... almost surreal. I still can't believe that my wedding dress is hanging up in a closet at home, waiting for me to put it on in just 5 months. On top of all that, I was able to really get involved in the elementary classroom and begin taking ESL classes, which has fired me up and gotten me entirely too excited about being a purposeful teacher someday.

Amidst this big flurry of exciting things, I've come to realize that Satan uses the blissful and happy moments as opportunities to creep inside, unnoticed. As I throw myself knee-deep in wedding planning and preparing for my classroom, Satan finds ways to bend my knees toward the ground in a position of worship to the things which demand my attention and love. Idols?

Throughout my teenage years, I just knew that my life would be perfect and complete once I got married. I would draw pictures of what I'd like my wedding dress to look like, make endless lists of qualities I wanted in a husband, and dream about finally meeting the man whom God had hand-picked just for me. It seemed that this husband would fulfill every desire and emotional need I had craved all my life; he would love me in a way that my young heart desired so much. When faced with bouts of loneliness and longing (nearly every day), my solace was found in the glimmer of hope which promised the Lord would one day send me the man I had been waiting for. I clung to that hope.

Now that I'm engaged, and can see the face of "the one my soul loves" (SoS 3:4), it would seem that my depths of loneliness have been eliminated. After all, He has given me a man who will fulfill my deepest emotional needs, right? I might venture to say, with high hopes that I won't be misunderstood, that my sweet fiance has not made this loneliness go away. In fact, since being engaged, the feelings of loneliness and longing come back with sharp and intense pain.

Now, understand me when I say that D is more than I ever could have asked for in a future husband. He outscores the pages of requirement lists that I made in high school for my future husband, clearly & daily displaying love to me on even my worst days. I love him. So why is there still unmet longing and loneliness?

We finish Pride & Prejudice with our jaws on the floor. We wistfully wish that Mr. Darcy would waltz into a room, sweep us off our feet, and tell us everything we've ever dreamed a man would sweetly tell us. And when "Mr. Darcy" finally comes along, and he does all of those sweet things, we are still left with a chasm in the middle of our hearts. I can think of no other reason for this unanticipated loneliness than the fact that my fiance is not Jesus.

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:25-26

Although movies and books and people give me the impression that a man will satisfy my deep longing for love and affection, the Lord says that He will be my portion. Although I often walked through life with the assumption that my husband would give me all the love I would ever need, the Lord says that I will not be fulfilled unless my strength and portion are in Him. Once I realized that my portion and my strength lied in a earthly and fleshly man, I felt sucker-punched by Satan and despair for my relationship with Christ. I found that the harsh ground which Satan had driven my knees to was digging into my skin, causing cuts and bruises which infected my relationship with Christ. I had come to idolize an idea that had been planted in my head the first time I watched Cinderella.

The Lord loves me. He longs to show me love that no other man can provide for me- and it's the kind of love that permeates to the deepest crevices of my little girl desires, where only God can find them and only He can satisfy them. He loves to show me affection, and He loves to provide me with good things- like a fiance who points me to God's love, and a future career that I love- but He wants to be the ultimate means of my satisfaction. The One who created these desires loves to fulfill them.

I am overjoyed to be marrying a man whom I never could have even dreamed up. That is certainly my "high" for 2011. Walking hand-in-hand with this joy, however, lies the "low" of crushed hopes and ignored longings which I sought to fulfill through a man. I'm thankful to walk through life with D, and I'm thankful for the love that he so gently & sweetly showers on me... but I'm also thankful that the Lord is yanking those deep longings back to where they should be: directly pointed toward the Cross and the lavish love of Christ.

"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! . . . You drove them from me, You who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, You who are sweeter than all pleasure . . . O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, & my Salvation."    -St. Augustine

Day 23: A video

Unfortunately, the laptop I'm borrowing doesn't have working speakers, so I'm a little limited to what video I can find and share with others. Sooooo, I'm going to share a video that I know will work and is the real deal- but I don't know if everyone will be able to see it, since it's linked through David's Facebook page. D made a ridiculous video while I was away in Africa, and it made me miss him a ton and roll my eyes at how ridiculous he can be. And yet I still love him :)

Hope you can view it! Here it is:

Love Sick Serenade

ALSO, in case you're living under a rock and didn't now that Marcel the Shell now has a Part 2, here's that cuteness (but watch Part 1 first):

http://youtu.be/Ta9K22D0o5Q

Day 11: A recent photo of me

We got our engagement photos back! More soon to come from RedTree Photography- they did a GREAT job :) Our wedding is only 6 months away!

Why I'm Willing to Wait

I'm about to step on a lot of toes.

In a society where it's entirely normal to do what "feels good," live with your boyfriend, do the married person thing without being bound legally, "switch it up" by having multiple sexual partners (keeping life interesting, right?), and be maritally unfaithful, I'm about to explain why I am entirely willing to be "not normal," and the reasons are based wholly on my relationship with Jesus. If I did not love Jesus, I probably would not care about this subject at all- but because I love Him and really desire to follow Him, this subject means the world to me.

I want to wait to give myself, wholly, to my husband (and only my husband).

It seems obvious and easy to say that I'm willing to wait for my husband because of the verses in the Bible that explicitly say "you should avoid sexual immorality" (1 Thess. 4:3). Proverbs tells us that the wise man will avoid the adulteress wife, even though her "lips drip honey" (5:3). The Bible clearly acknowledges our struggle with sexual temptation, but Christians are exhorted to keep ourselves sexually pure until marriage- and there's no cutting corners on that issue. And, thankfully, Philippians 2:13 tells us that the Holy Spirit gives us the willpower we need to act according to that good purpose, no matter how hard it may be to resist temptation.

But that's the obvious reason I'm waiting, and I've heard it a billion times. And being honest, the only thing that makes this lifestyle desirable is the sheer joy of gladly obeying my Creator and Authority- but my fleshly, human self often thinks that obedience to Christ isn't always worth it. So what's the deeper issue? What causes me to truly delight in saving myself and preparing myself for my husband? It's something that I just grasped in the past week: the hope of Heaven.

I love Phil Wickham's song You're Beautiful mostly because of the last verse of the song:

"When we arrive at eternity's shore, where death is just a memory and tears are no more, we'll enter in as the wedding bells ring; Your bride will come together and we'll sing 'You're beautiful!'"

Since I was a little girl, I have daydreamed and daydreamed and daydreamed some more about the moment when only an aisle separates me from my future husband. I've dreamed about finally looking at him as my husband, while he looks back at me and hopefully finds his new wife, in a pure white dress, to be completely beautiful. It still blows my mind that, Lord-willing, I will be able to experience this in less than 7 months. By that point, I will have been preparing myself to marry my future husband for 22 years. Everything that I have done since April 2 and even before that has been to prepare for our wedding next year- and brides push themselves to the point of exhaustion in order to prepare for & plan that beautiful wedding.

In the same way, when Christ died for us, He died so that we might be purified and prepared for our reunion in Heaven (Ephesians 5:25-27). Our reunion will not just be an awkward time of catching up and drinking punch, but the Bible says that it will be a glorious wedding, because we are considered Christ's bride!

"The wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." -Rev. 19:7-8

Christ has been waiting in Heaven for us since the day He created us. He prepared us, beautiful and clean, by washing away all of the sins that we have ever committed that make us ugly and disfigured with sin. His salvation covers us and makes us beautiful and clean before Him, and He delights in the day that we will be presented before Him in Heaven, spotless and pure! Go back and read those lyrics by Phil Wickham again, think about what that will really be like, and be amazed. My 2012 wedding will be lame compared to the wedding I'll have with the rest of the church and Jesus!

So, how does this relate to our sexual purity?

I certainly have not forgotten about my May wedding- not one bit. Theknot.com and every other curious person's question of "how's wedding planning?" reminds me weekly of all the things I have yet to check off of my to-do list. I work out with the motivation of fitting into a wedding dress, I make plans around that wedding day, and I talk to my fiance as if we will actually get married in May- I have not forgotten about our wedding. In the same way, Christ does not want us to forget about our wedding with Christ in Heaven- He wants us to have a life-long focus and motivation of purifying ourselves for that day! He wants us to anticipate Heaven because we will finally be able to fully delight in the full beauty, goodness, and radiance of God. Although I struggle to fight the temptations of sin every day, I am waiting for the day that Christ will be revealed to me in all His splendor and will wipe every single tear from my eyes. Until then, He calls me to sanctify and purify myself in preparation to meet my Bridegroom without stain or blemish:

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." -Eph. 5:25-27

I am keeping myself sexually pure because God created sex and marriage to be a picture of what our reunion with Christ will be like in Heaven. We were not put on earth to satisfy ourselves, please ourselves, or live the easy life- we were put on this earth to learn how to glorify God and delight in Him! For a Christian to say that they will live a life that is culturally acceptable and "easier" is to defy the nature of sex itself as God has created it to be: to be enjoyed within a marriage as a representation of the delight and awe we will one day receive from seeing the Lord is all of His majesty. Because Jesus purified us on the Cross to prepare us for that day, we too must keep ourselves pure and prepared for marriage to our earthly spouses.

I'm not saying that, by living with this frame of mind, temptation will be obsolete- in fact, the Devil loves to tempt those who pose the greatest threat to his plans. I will still face temptation to lose self-control, forget God's promises, and forget why I am here on Earth. I am not perfect, and I will mess up. God provides forgiveness when I mess up, and He still provides a way through Jesus for me to be pure and blameless when we enter Heaven. However, living life as God intended for us to holds enormous blessings and richness, just as we will experience one day in Heaven!

Therefore, I will willingly wait for my husband- not matter how difficult it is. I will prepare myself for him by holding back from everything that our society says is okay, knowing that there is a greater plan for me. I am willing to wait because I know that waiting is exactly what God intended for me when He sent Jesus to the Cross to cover up all of my sins.

I'm thankful for a reason more than "because I said so" that gives me motivation to live out the costs that come with being a disciple.

A heart full of happy

I would just like to say how thankful I am for David Carl. It's not special date on the calendar or momentous occasion; I'm just grateful for a sweet fiancee and feel like sharing. In the 20 months we have officially been together, we've only spent 7 of it living in the same city- and it's not for the faint of heart. Yet, despite working hard and studying for PT school and exhausting most of his energy attempting to do well there, the guy still works hard to pursue me and let me know that I am loved.

A little over 3 years ago, some guy ran past me in his boxers, holding a machete and wearing pantyhose over his head. I'm marrying that crazy guy in 8 months. Just thinking about wedding planning right now in the midst of all these classes gives me a huge headache, but I'm thrilled to walk alongside him in the process of life- no matter how busy we both get.

When we first began the whole long-distance thing over a year ago, walking away from the airport, I felt entirely uncertain of why I was letting myself get into such a "hard" thing. I reassured myself that "the Lord will fulfill His purpose for me" (Psalm 138:8), no matter what that entailed. I literally uttered that Psalm to myself every 5 minutes for the first month we spent apart. I prayed that the Lord would give us the obedience necessary to follow wherever He might lead us, fully acknowledging that He would fulfill each of our purposes as He saw fit.

Now we're here, waiting for May 19 with eagerness, and I'm thankful that the Lord has been faithful to show me that I must rely on Him rather than any man on earth. D has made it easy to delight in my Savior first, and he is so selfless, and that just gives me a heart FULL of happy!

I'm excited for the next 8 months and for the years of marriage we will have after that, Lord willing! Love you, D :)



...and the mushy-gushy post ends now.

The Real Thing

Being freshly engaged, parting with my shiny and pretty ring for 2 months in the African bush was not the easiest thing I've ever done. We bought a $5 cheapo ring at Claire's as a stand-in while I spent my summer on the dusty roads of Boubon, and D kept the "real" ring to get it re-adjusted and cleaned. Although the cheap ring worked for a time, fulfilling its purpose of warding off all the overeager mothers hoping to marry their sons to a thriving American lady, it soon began to disappoint. The sweat, dirt, and grittiness of bush life wore the silver paint off my poor little ring, exposing its black and corroding core on my little ring finger. Soon, although the African women knew I was taken, they would look at my ring judgmentally as if to say "your fiancee gave you that?" The ring grossed me out so much by the end of the summer that I almost took it off. Needless to say, I anxiously awaited getting that shiny real ring back at the Louisville airport!

When Dave presented the engagement ring to me once again at the airport, I was surprised at how different the rings really were! The corrosion of my $5 ring looked even grosser and dirtier when placed next to my clean, brilliant, genuine diamond ring. The allure of a cheap imitation is temporary. In the end, although fooled for some time, the imitation will corrode away and reveal its true framework.

Cheap imitations- isn't that what we're all about? If it looks just like the designer stuff, but costs less, why get the real thing? When it comes to faith, this just doesn't cut it. Not only should our faith be genuine, but it will even be refined when harsh conditions come around:

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed..." -1 Peter 1:6-7

The Devil lures us into the trap of believing that faith is a mushy-gushy feeling that comes with knowing that God will never let anything bad happen to us. Even as a Christian, I am tempted to offer up "bargains" to God- things like "you give me ___ and I will do my best to serve You more" or "please make ____ go away so that my life can be a little easier... I know You can do it because You are God and You can do anything!" We minimize our faith to merely asking for a picture-perfect life from a Great Giver, offering nothing but a quick prayer of "thanks" in return. It seems attractive, safe, and comforting- but it is merely a cheap imitation of the rich & genuine faith God actually promises! This faith that we profess is a costly faith, indeed, but comes with rich rewards that are so, so worth it. Though sorrow lasts for the night, joy comes in the morning.

The faith that God promises to refine & reward is not easy to receive with open hands. "Suffering grief" and "refining" are not terms of comfort, but of discipline. While we are here on earth, we will constantly walk through the fire- but it will be proved genuine and able to withstand on the day that Christ returns for us!

What kind of faith will you choose? We will buckle and fall if we create a faith that is only founded on sunshine and butterflies. Although it seems like a good idea, like the real thing, and may even look like the shiny ring I bought at Claire's, the harsh sand & winds of the world will soon wipe away the silver paint to reveal a corrupt lie from Satan. But if we choose to instead trade in all we have for a faith that is as shiny & genuine as the ring I have on my left hand, we will thrive in the brilliance of Christ in Heaven one day after His return. The real thing is what lasts- don't be fooled by a cheap imitation.

Sweet Inspiration

Maybe I'm going crazy from cabin fever, sitting inside this little room doing way too much homework, but if I could do this for a living then I'd be entirely content. I am way too excited to move into an apartment and redo my own furniture- feel free to, out of the goodness of your heart, give me your old stuff so I can make it into something new and add it to our precious new apartment! :)

Also, I've found that this DIY wedding blog has gotten me wayyy too distracted... but it's a welcome excuse to stop writing lesson plans for just a second, so I feel justified in going googly-eyed over each page and picture!

Finally, one last thing- I'm loving the renowned beauty I've found in this song. Just read those crazy lyrics- every verse is full of such truth and such beauty... from the sunrise to the wedding celebration, the Lord stirs such deep desires within me to love Him more. I want to know this mysterious and wondrous God more- He arouses so much curiosity in me! Teach me to know You, Father.

Standing firm

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." -Galatians 5:1

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope- the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." -Titus 2:11-14

This morning, I feel burdened by the yoke of sin and temptation. Just when you think sin has defeated you, or if you grow tired of standing firm, remember that Christ has set you free from the penalty, power, and presence of sin. Although we will always battle temptation, salvation gives us strength & eagerness to say "No" to sin! I'd rather not be burdened by a yoke upon my neck... it is for freedom that Christ has set us free! My prayer is that Christ will grant me the discipline I need to make the most of my salvation. He has given me the ability to be free, now I must eagerly commit.

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." -Ephesians 6:13

I'm going to be a wife?!

The past 3 days have been an absolute whirlwind because I am ENGAGED to an incredible man (who will soon be my husband!!)!!! Wow. After days of staring at my ring and re-telling the precious story, I am still having difficulty letting it sink in that I will be a wife in just a little over a year. It's been great to talk with family & friends about the exciting moment Saturday night, but I have had little time to just sit and let it all become real in my mind!

Although D certainly surprised me, I shouldn't have been shocked. My relationship with the Lord has been in a "waiting" stage, just waiting for understanding and clarity. The Lord brought Scripture to my attention that commanded my whole life- marriage, family, friendships, agenda, everything- and He challenged me to think about what things I clench in my hands too firmly. So often (a.k.a. all the time) I hold fast to the hope of being a mother or teacher or having "me" time on the weekends or getting plenty of time to sleep- and I forget that Christ gave all, so He asks for all of us! To "sacrifice" means to give up something that we love, something that means a lot to us. Abraham, after all, was asked to sacrifice his only son Isaac.

I struggled with the affections of my heart for a while. Was my heart knitted closer to God or to man? Which would I be willing to give up, if given the opportunity or command? How often each day do I truly die to my own desires? Christ asks all. He took me on an incredible journey to realizing how important Jesus should be in my life, and I fell in love with Him all over again. He gently disciplined his daughter, asking for radical faith that produces obedience. He brought 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 to my attention, encouraging me to change my outlook on submitting to God's plans:

"An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world- how she can please her husband."

I realized that I cannot create my own plans for my life, labeling them as "God's Will." The comfortable thing is not always God's thing. I prayed, sought counsel, and attempted to seek the Lord's guidance. Jim Elliot's prayer rung true in my heart- "I am willing that 'my house on earth be emptier,' but not unless 'His house be fuller.'" Waiting for understanding and a word from the Lord nearly killed me- I thought about it hourly! His answer to my prayers was quite different from what I was expecting...

I was expecting and praying for a definite answer. A clear "YES" or a clear "NO." Would I serve the Lord greatest with a husband and family, or with an adopted family of believers? How will His Kingdom be best advanced through me? My cry was "the Lord will fulfill His purpose for me; Your love, O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of Your hands!" (Ps. 138:8) Rather than answering with yes or no, He told me to WAIT. After long weeks of crying out and seeking to have more faith, desperately longing for an answer, I found that the Lord quieted my soul with the gentle command to wait for understanding. Oswald Chambers says "living a life of faith . . . is literally a life of faith, not of understanding & reason- a life of knowing Him who calls us to go." So I waited, in the meantime learning to love Him despite a lingering revelation.

I'm thankful to say that He revealed His purpose to me through a cute boy giving a sweet proposal on Saturday night. Although I do not have absolute assurance of that wedding day arriving (James 4:13-15), Lord-willing I will soon be a wife for a man who uplifts and encourages me to love & serve Jesus more. As Abraham was given his son's life after raising his hand to murder & sacrifice Isaac, the Lord gave me D once I sacrificed the option of marriage (but only if it meant serving more effectively as a single woman).

The Lord is good, and He promises to provide for us. He asks for all of us, but He also delights to do good for His children:

"I will give them singleness of heart and action, so they will always fear me for their own good... I will never stop doing good to them... I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul." -Jeremiah 32:39-41

I am so thankful for the assurance and rest my soul has felt in the last few days- I have waited on the Lord, and He has answered! "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." (Ps 116:7) My prayer today is that I would keep singleness of heart, wholly devoted to Christ while also serving my future husband. I pray that Christ really will be glorified so much more through our future marriage than He would have been through us walking down separate paths. I never, ever want to cling too tightly to the things of this world- and I will continue to live a life of faith- not of understanding, but a life of knowing Christ. And He is well worth getting to know :)

What are your hands holding firmly, that the Lord might ask you to give up for His sake? He gave all, He asks all. I'm still learning this.