Thursday, November 4, 2010

Day 10: Something you're afraid of

I have an irrational fear.
I fear more than wasps and feet; I fear something that I cannot control.
I fear being out of control.
I fear the times when I cannot control what's going on- when someone is very sick, when my words are not suffice to comfort someone, when people I love do not even have enough money to buy a coat for cold months. I fear the times when, no matter what I say, I cannot control someone's salvation... and it drives me crazy!
I echo Paul's sentiments in Romans 9 in that "I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart" for those who simply won't budge from their worldview. While this is a holy sorrow, I find that it turns to fear- fear that the Devil has overcome and won the victory. And amidst it all, I fear that I am the one to blame for the condition of their heart and the destiny of their soul.
To have anguish for the lost and broken is holy and good, but to fear the Devil's grip is taking trust away from Almighty God. I cannot save anyone. I cannot make anyone's lives better by my own efforts. It is up to God alone!

"And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil..." -2 Timothy 2:24-26

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