Day 30: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

I get a little tingly feeling when I think about where I'll be on December 7, 2012. Life will look so different in a year, and I'm thankful yet terrified. Where will He lead me? Where will I be? I have so many plans, yet they all rest in the Father's hands and He can do whatever He wants with them.

This time next year, I hope to be married to D and keeping up with a precious little apartment in Louisville (location TBA). This exact time next year, I hope to be finishing up the tail end of my student teaching by spending a few weeks in Quito, Ecuador with some bilingual students at a ridiculously expensive P-12 school. I pray, so much, that my time in Ecuador will have been preceded by some student teaching with ESL and elementary students in Jefferson County. I will be dreaming of walking the line and ending my time at WKU in December- finally.

I really really really hope it doesn't rain the week before May 19. I really extra super hope that it doesn't rain on May 19. I've put in a couple requests to the Weather Man up there in the sky, but you never know what He'll have up His sleeve :)

I'm dreaming of a summer, after finishing Block 2, of simply working and decorating a new home. I realized yesterday that I haven't spent a whole summer in Louisville since my sophomore year of high school, and so it will be interesting to experience my hometown once again in the middle of the hot months!

I'm really hoping that my foot surgery goes very well in order that I can get back into running. I've always loved running, and often get in these weird moods where all I want to do is burst outside and run a mile or two (mostly happens when I'm hunched over Microsoft Word for hours), but the combination of weak knees/shin splints/hurt ankles/bunions (go ahead and laugh) have kept me from running since I joined the track team in high school. Once my crooked toes are straightened out, I really hope I'll be able to run without pain!

I'm dreaming of getting involved at Americana once again after moving back home. In fact, I'm dreaming about all the possibilities for working with immigrants & refugees that Louisville has to offer- especially in the summertime, when I'll have (a little bit more) free time!

There's so much more I'm hoping for... but we'll see what happens :)

Day 29: Goals for the next 30 days

One more day of this, and I'm DONE with the 30-day challenge that seems to have lasted 30 years. I'm so ready to be done with this list, although it has been fun! Who knew that the girl who loves planning would want to break free of structure?! My mind has been flying in one million different directions... and I'm excited to share what's been going on inside of there.

My goals for the next 30 days revolve around the foot surgery I'm having on Tuesday. One week from today, I'll be a crippled shut-in, coaxing my family members into entertaining/feeding me for a few weeks. I would say that a goal of mine would be to get as much running & jumping in as possible before next week, just to get out all that energy and take advantage of my working feet, but I have 2 papers & 2 finals which call my name instead.

Goals for the next 30 days:

1. Finish making Christmas presents


2. Watch 1,000,000 movies since D thinks I'm "uncultured" for never watching Adam Sandler or Braveheart


3. Wedding plan out the wazoo (but this is the FUN PART- wedding party attire, decorations, planning the ceremony, etc. etc. etc., and REGISTERING!!!!!)


4. Use the power chairs at Wal-Mart (because I can)


5. Teach the BFF how to knit

I honestly don't know if I'll be able to handle sitting still for weeks... but we shall see! Come visit me so that I don't go crazy :)

But first: write that 10-page paper. Tonight.

Day 28: Highs/lows of 2011

I think it's rather obvious what my highs have been for 2011- since January, I have gotten engaged, bought a wedding dress, and lived in Africa. Each of those things seemed like unattainable events of Future Emily- and it's the oddest feeling for Present Emily to experience... almost surreal. I still can't believe that my wedding dress is hanging up in a closet at home, waiting for me to put it on in just 5 months. On top of all that, I was able to really get involved in the elementary classroom and begin taking ESL classes, which has fired me up and gotten me entirely too excited about being a purposeful teacher someday.

Amidst this big flurry of exciting things, I've come to realize that Satan uses the blissful and happy moments as opportunities to creep inside, unnoticed. As I throw myself knee-deep in wedding planning and preparing for my classroom, Satan finds ways to bend my knees toward the ground in a position of worship to the things which demand my attention and love. Idols?

Throughout my teenage years, I just knew that my life would be perfect and complete once I got married. I would draw pictures of what I'd like my wedding dress to look like, make endless lists of qualities I wanted in a husband, and dream about finally meeting the man whom God had hand-picked just for me. It seemed that this husband would fulfill every desire and emotional need I had craved all my life; he would love me in a way that my young heart desired so much. When faced with bouts of loneliness and longing (nearly every day), my solace was found in the glimmer of hope which promised the Lord would one day send me the man I had been waiting for. I clung to that hope.

Now that I'm engaged, and can see the face of "the one my soul loves" (SoS 3:4), it would seem that my depths of loneliness have been eliminated. After all, He has given me a man who will fulfill my deepest emotional needs, right? I might venture to say, with high hopes that I won't be misunderstood, that my sweet fiance has not made this loneliness go away. In fact, since being engaged, the feelings of loneliness and longing come back with sharp and intense pain.

Now, understand me when I say that D is more than I ever could have asked for in a future husband. He outscores the pages of requirement lists that I made in high school for my future husband, clearly & daily displaying love to me on even my worst days. I love him. So why is there still unmet longing and loneliness?

We finish Pride & Prejudice with our jaws on the floor. We wistfully wish that Mr. Darcy would waltz into a room, sweep us off our feet, and tell us everything we've ever dreamed a man would sweetly tell us. And when "Mr. Darcy" finally comes along, and he does all of those sweet things, we are still left with a chasm in the middle of our hearts. I can think of no other reason for this unanticipated loneliness than the fact that my fiance is not Jesus.

"Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:25-26

Although movies and books and people give me the impression that a man will satisfy my deep longing for love and affection, the Lord says that He will be my portion. Although I often walked through life with the assumption that my husband would give me all the love I would ever need, the Lord says that I will not be fulfilled unless my strength and portion are in Him. Once I realized that my portion and my strength lied in a earthly and fleshly man, I felt sucker-punched by Satan and despair for my relationship with Christ. I found that the harsh ground which Satan had driven my knees to was digging into my skin, causing cuts and bruises which infected my relationship with Christ. I had come to idolize an idea that had been planted in my head the first time I watched Cinderella.

The Lord loves me. He longs to show me love that no other man can provide for me- and it's the kind of love that permeates to the deepest crevices of my little girl desires, where only God can find them and only He can satisfy them. He loves to show me affection, and He loves to provide me with good things- like a fiance who points me to God's love, and a future career that I love- but He wants to be the ultimate means of my satisfaction. The One who created these desires loves to fulfill them.

I am overjoyed to be marrying a man whom I never could have even dreamed up. That is certainly my "high" for 2011. Walking hand-in-hand with this joy, however, lies the "low" of crushed hopes and ignored longings which I sought to fulfill through a man. I'm thankful to walk through life with D, and I'm thankful for the love that he so gently & sweetly showers on me... but I'm also thankful that the Lord is yanking those deep longings back to where they should be: directly pointed toward the Cross and the lavish love of Christ.

"How sweet all at once it was for me to be rid of those fruitless joys which I had once feared to lose! . . . You drove them from me, You who are the true, the sovereign joy. You drove them from me and took their place, You who are sweeter than all pleasure . . . O Lord my God, my Light, my Wealth, & my Salvation."    -St. Augustine

Day 27: A child I love

Yet again, it's impossible for me to come up with just one answer to this question. I mean, are you really going to ask the Elementary Ed major to pick just one kid as a favorite? I'm practically a kid myself, sometimes. Here's just 2 of the precious little kiddos who make me happy:

Day 26: My dream home

You have no idea how long today's post could get... I obsess over the possibilities for my future home, and it gets ridiculous sometimes! When I made the switch from dorm room to apartment this year, I got so excited to decorate more than just an itty bitty little dorm room, and it definitely fulfilled my hungry expectations (minus the cost of all that pretty home decor that I can't bring myself to buy). And next year, I'll be truly nesting- although we'll still be living in an apartment, it'll be our apartment and I can let myself run wild with ideas of how I can decorate it! Is this too much? I'll stop talking now, and just show you what makes me happy:

I get most of my ideas and things to drool over from Design*Sponge, Centsational Girl, and Pinterest (of course).

My dream home would be a combination of these:



(Blue house, wraparound porch, porch swing, brightly colored front door, lots of trees, etc.)

The inside of the home- a mix of bold colors:



And some light/muted colors:



With some reminders of the outdoors, even when stuck inside all day:



Of course, our future home will probably have those unique characteristics that come with living in a home outside of America... but we can't help but dream, right? :)

Day 25: A picture of something that makes me happy

I have to admit, I'm a little excited for this blog challenge to be over because I have so many thoughts that don't necessarily fit into these topics, and I've been bubbling over with things to write about. Nothing too special; just little things that come to mind that I want to get out.

This picture makes me really happy- it is a picture of just a few of the girls who make me so happy every single week. Since I began working with them just 2 years ago, they have grown so much and learned how to thrive in their relationships with the Lord. Although I find myself rolling my eyes more often at their obsessions with JB, I love them with all my heart and feel like a momma to all of these sweet girls. In the end, I think that the person who has learned so much about the Lord through my time teaching this girls has been me. And I thank God every single week for putting them in my life!

(side note: this also makes me sad because it may be 5,000 years before my hair grows back to that length)

Day 24: Dinner

If I could choose 10 people- dead or alive- to invite to dinner, who would they be? What would be on the menu for dinner?

1. Shirley Temple (we're kindred spirits)


2. Jim & Elisabeth Elliot (this one's a no-brainer)


3. Adoniram Judson


4. Josh Groban (so he can serenade us and teach me how to play a beautiful ballad on the piano... and if he doesn't play piano, he'll bring his pianist along)


5. Steve Urkel (because who wouldn't want Urkel to come to dinner?)


6. My Memaw (for obvious reasons)


7. Dave (he may not be to happy if I don't invite him to dinner)


8. Martha Stewart (and I'll snag her into planning our entire wedding)


9. Contessa from "Barefoot Contessa"... if her name is actually Contessa. I don't actually know what her real name is. But she won't come to dinner, she'll stay in the kitchen and make us good food... because I can't stand the way she talks.


10. My African momma- I really miss her mucho

Day 23: A video

Unfortunately, the laptop I'm borrowing doesn't have working speakers, so I'm a little limited to what video I can find and share with others. Sooooo, I'm going to share a video that I know will work and is the real deal- but I don't know if everyone will be able to see it, since it's linked through David's Facebook page. D made a ridiculous video while I was away in Africa, and it made me miss him a ton and roll my eyes at how ridiculous he can be. And yet I still love him :)

Hope you can view it! Here it is:

Love Sick Serenade

ALSO, in case you're living under a rock and didn't now that Marcel the Shell now has a Part 2, here's that cuteness (but watch Part 1 first):

http://youtu.be/Ta9K22D0o5Q

Day 22: A favorite joke

I only know 2 jokes, and I overuse them way too much:

1. Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side? He's alright now.

2. What's the difference between lettuce & a unicorn? A unicorn is a funny beast and lettuce is a bunny feast!

...I should buy a joke book; it'll really help me when I start doing comedy shows.

Day 21: Bullet my entire day

Well, I couldn't have picked a more boring day to bullet, but here it is!

• 6:30 a.m.- Roll out of my bed, see that the rain has not gone away, decide not to take a shower (I'm just conserving water), and eat breakfast in blissful peace while reading some of Psalms. Mornings = my favorites


• 8 a.m.- Arrive to class a little drenched and definitely not excited about Thanksgiving Break being over. My attention span for those 7 hours was about 30 seconds. Most days, I love my major so so much, and today was actually pretty interesting, but Christmas Break couldn't get here sooner!


• 3 pm- Skipped my Monday workout to go home and do linguistics homework. Felt totally dumb when it didn't make any sense. Took roomie to class, and met with my professor to try and scrounge up some help on the impossible worksheet. On my way to her office with another classmate, we spotted our old English professor from 3 or 4 semesters ago and stopped to say hi. The incredible thing was that he still remembered us and asked things about us that he could still recall from 2 years ago- now, when you attend a public university of 15,000 students, that is impressive. Sometimes I just love WKU- and I'm not just saying that because I work for the admissions office.


• 5:30 pm- Went to night class and felt very relieved when everyone else in the class had the same helpless feelings about that crazy worksheet. Listened to grad students give presentations on morphology in the elementary classroom and Japanese morphology.


• 8 pm- Left class craving Japanese food, but instead of going to Shogun I went grocercy shopping since my food inventory at home currently consists of peanuts, peanut butter, pasta, and mint chocolate chip ice cream. After happily arriving to checkout and filling my cart full of bagged delicious food, dreaming of all the things I could eat now that my pantry will actually be full, my debit card was denied and I almost cried because that has never happened to me before. And when I say never, I mean that my budget and PNC account are monitered closely enough that I've never had to worry about overdraft protection or anything like that. But apparently, the gasoline gods of Thanksgiving Break decided to suck enough money out of my bank account that they wouldn't let me buy food! So I ran home, transferred some money between accounts, and decided that eating pasta with the roommates was a better idea than going back to WalMart and starting the grocery shopping all over again.


• 9 pm- Roomie dinner, with Christmas decorations up and watching parts of The Terror of Tiny Town (I can already hear all of your judgmental thoughts- and they're probably well-deserved), and procrastination until now- after I finish this post, the homework begins!

Such an interesting day, wasn't it?

Day 20: A hobby of mine

I like to call my hobbies "old lady hobbies" because I don't know many people younger than age 60 who like to do what I do for fun. These hobbies all began when I went to quilt camp (yes, those kinds of camps exist) and created my first quilt. In high school, I worked at the neatest fabric store/quilt shop and learned how to make even more cool things- and I collected a lot of fabric throughout those years! I am most proud of a twin-size quilt I made for my grandparents in high school- each grandkid drew a picture on fabric of an activity they love to do with our grandparents, and I sewed them all together with some fun fabric and gave them the quilt for Christmas. However, on the other end of the spectrum, one of my greatest disappointments in life came when I procrastinated and didn't finish a quilt in time to give to my Memaw before she died- she had asked me to take dresses and pictures of my Granny and sew them all into a quilt for her. I almost finished, but I waited and procrastinated just long enough that she passed away before I could finish- and it still sits in our sewing room at home, pinned together & ready for the 3 layers to be quilted together.

Quilting is a rather expensive hobby, so I sometimes resort to knitting and/or crocheting, but the sewing machine that my Memaw gave me 5 years ago has always been one of my most prized possessions. I'm hoping to learn in the near future how to sew apparel and how to smock (I gotta start on my children's entire wardrobe well before I even think about bringing a little child into the world, right?). Basically I'm just the most domestic diva you've ever seen, right?

Other than that, I occasionally like to pretend like I know how to play the piano or write, but I'm very mediocre at both things and I'll maybe try to improve in those areas when I actually am an old lady and have nothing else to do- but for now, I'll stick with the old lady hobbies I already have :) I'm a little mixed up, aren't I?

Day 19: A favorite song

http://youtu.be/TvOCvJ-HC3g

Love the lyrics, love the Gettys. In high school I always said they would sing at my wedding... too bad that can never happen!

Day 18: Something I miss

While talking with an M in Bali about doing international missions in my hometown, I was blown away when he told me that God had brought the nations to us when He sent international students, immigrants, and refugees. In a sense, He is giving us no excuse to share Christ with the nations. Immediately after I returned home I began a race toward reaching international students on my campus with the Good News, and it brought life and purpose to my daily living in ways that I never knew existed before. Pouring into sweet friends who are away from home... I loved it.

2 years ago we hosted 2 Asian students at our home for Thanksgiving Break. This weekend, I thought about how long it had been since I really invested in many international students. If you've read even a few of my blog posts in the last few months, you'll know that I've been full of excuses for why I should only focus on my schoolwork and how overwhelming it all is, brushing aside all the other responsibilities that Christ has placed before me. It took a long date with Jesus last night and some desperately needed alone time to remind myself that serving Christ is a choice that I must make and a priority that I must place before anything else.

I feel the temptations pressing in on me to forget about Christ and the joy He gives me. I see so many good things to live for- teaching, homemaking, doing well in school, loving the people closest to me, etc. They are all good things, and each can glorify Christ in unique ways. But are those good things my motivation for living? What gets me out of bed every morning? Why do I act and plan and talk the way that I do? What is it that gives me life, breath, and joy each day? Placing Christ as my top priority is a choice. I must choose to meaningfully get out of my bed each morning and purpose my steps in a manner that says "today I live because Christ gives me breath, and so I will breathe for Him."

This isn't so much about missing international students as it is about missing the focus that I once had on the One who gives me breath. I miss arranging my schedule around quiet time with the Lord and service to Him. Arranging my schedule around work for school is exhausting, yet often necessary, so I pray that my heart would be steadfast on Him even on the days when all I do is write papers.

If I truly say that I live for Christ, I pray that my heart and mind would be steadfast and focused on Him, moment by moment.

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." -Col. 3:1-4

Day 17: A photo of my family

Thanksgiving: a marathon of food and family, all in one day. I'm thankful for this growing family of ours, and I'm so thankful to be joining the Dahl family in May!



And we're such a good looking family, aren't we? :)

Day 16: Someone who fascinates me

One of the people who fascinates me is the crazy Black Friday shopper who used pepper spray on everyone around her in order to snag the biggest electronic bargain on Thanksgiving night. Or, if that doesn't strike your fancy, I'm also fascinated by the person who apparantly stabbed a competing shopper while running for the cheap bedsheets at a local Walmart. Something seems entirely paradoxical about running greedily through a supermarket on a holiday that thrives upon thankfulness. I don't intend for this to become a cynical rant about the ways that society is going down the drain, because we all know that. I have participated in Black Friday for years, but decided to sit this one out because I'm most definitely not a night owl and don't need anything badly enough to stay up past my bedtime and wait in lines. However, I think it's important to note how strange it seems that Christmas Day has strung itself into months of shopping, wanting, and obsessing over things that won't come to Heaven with us. I'm all about giving & receiving a gift or two, but when we blackout on Black Friday and spend our budget in cheap stuff, I think it's time to reconsider the Reason why we give and receive in the first place.

That's my rant, and now I'm finished.

Day 15: Somewhere I’d like to move/visit

How big of a blog post am I allowed for today's topic? I could go on for DAYS.

Ultimately, I'd love to move out of the country. To those who understand my mindset of international missions and have been surrounded by others who have moved across the globe, it seems normal, but it's hilarious to watch the reactions of those who have never really met someone really serious about living overseas. I love 'murica, but I love other people and other places so much more. Here's just a few places that I would love to move to or visit:

Llamas and panchos, mountains and jungles, take me to PERU.

Ahhhh Greece.

My heart hurts for Central Asians. I would go to Afghanistan in a heartbeat.

I went to the Louvre in high school, but we weren't there near as long as I would have liked- D and I are going back one day!

Home to Adoniram Judson and my refugee friends, I would LOVE to visit Burma/Myanmar. Plus, it's absolutely beautiful.

Those are just the ones at the top of my list. I highly doubt I'll ever make it to all of those places, but we can't help but hope, right? :)

Day 14 —A moment I felt most satisfied with my life

What does it feel like to be "most satisfied with my life?" I have milled this question around in my head for the last few days, and it has recalled some interesting memories to mind. The first moment that came to my head happened this summer, when I held sweet Zaaratu in my lap and sang "How He Loves" to the little girl who hadn't a clue how much her Heavenly Father is jealous for her soul. It was satisfying simply because I knew that I was doing the best I could to share that precious Gospel with her, to the best of my meager abilities, and God would do the rest. But after thinking about it, I found something better.

It was cold, and I didn't really feel like spending the afternoon reigning in all the rambunctious kiddos. I prayed for their mom, and I wondered about their dad- what must life be like to come home from school in a foreign country, pass the time until it gets dark, and finally see your parents when they get off work around the time you're supposed to go to bed? As I climbed the steps to their apartment, I shuddered thinking about how many cockroaches I would see on this visit. I even thought about turning around and going home, waiting until next week to visit them again.

Top floor. Locked doors. I knocked, but no little beady eyes peeked through the blinds; no African voice calling out "it's Miss Em-a-lay." My only welcomer was a bright yellow note, which read "VACANT." My heart sank.

After a month of buckets of tears and hopeful prayers, I was able to find a forwarding address for my sweet and crazy refugee family. Driving to an unfamiliar neighborhood, I prayed and cried and hoped and begged that God would lead me to their home. I prayed that, after finding them, He would use me to show Christ's love in a new and rich way... and He answered my cry.

Little brick house. Long sidewalk. A hesitant knock at the door, familiar beady eyes peeking through the blinds. This time, the usual voice of recognition sounded like a siren, as the entire house shrieked my name and scrambled to open the door. I was hugged and kissed and hammered with questions: "how did you find us?" "we thought you would never come!" "we did not know how to tell you that we left." I cried a couple tears of sweet joy, and I thanked God that He was able to reunite us. This was a sweet moment, but ultimately the satisfaction came when one sweet boy asked me about Jesus. One sweet boy asked me about Jesus. Did you hear that? After a month away from my sweet African family, the first thing they wanted to talk about was the Savior who led me to find them! We talked about the Bible, and they were very curious. Good conversation and curious hearts led us to Bible stories and talk of God's love for us. God was able to plant a seed and show how much Christ searches after them, just as I searched for them on earth.

It is satisfying to travel across the world and spend time loving on children I may never see again. It is satisfying to share Christ with a nation that is unreached and/or unengaged. But it is most satisfying to trust that the Lord will work in me, right where I am, to accomplish His good purposes. In all things, He works for the good of those who love Him and He always works things out according to His perfect plan. The most satisfying moment for me: watching God work, and coming along for the ride.

Day 13: Something I want to buy

I want these! Anthropologie will always be one of those stores that I avoid looking at online because I know I can never (reasonably) afford it... but I love their stuff!

There might be a lot of judgment cast upon me for this, but I also really want to buy Justin Beiber's Christmas album. Judge on, but I've been convinced that his rendition of the old Christmas tunes are way better than the ones where he croons "baby" over and over again.

I also would like to be handed a new laptop from the sky, seeing as mine is a chunker that decides to quit working in the middle of typing important things. But we've been doing some counseling, and after a few more weeks of whispering softly in its ear we're hoping that it will stop dying and last me through Block 2.

Day 12: Something I have bought recently

I'm being completely honest and completely boring when I say that the only things I've bought in the past 2 weeks are groceries, a new toothbrush, and Indian corn. Yay for 5th grade lessons about the Pilgrims.

Almost a month ago, I went into Hobby Lobby and almost had a panic attack while perusing the aisles- the stuff at that magical place has that kind of effect on me. I could spend so much money on things that I either don't need or am wistfully hoping to learn how to make, and the big weekly 50% off sales are ever so alluring. Because of that, I've created two precautions in order that I never blow my entire spending allowance on home decor and pretty fabric: 1) only go to Hobby Lobby when in a hurry and on a mission 2) leave my debit card at home. Under the mattress. Or somewhere where I can't use it unless I intentionally go searching for it to buy that random wall art that I've been eyeing since the day I stepped into the Hob Lob.

Anyone else have this problem? I find myself in the same dilemma at Target, although Target has a funny way of convincing me that even that 3rd pair of black dress pants are absolutely essential to my life- they're 30% off!

Even with all of these precautions holding me back, I still found myself walking out of Hobby Lobby a few weeks ago with a iron-twisted pumpkin thing and an artificial Christmas wreath. 50% off, ya'll.

Day 11: A recent photo of me

We got our engagement photos back! More soon to come from RedTree Photography- they did a GREAT job :) Our wedding is only 6 months away!