Just Step.

It's been made pretty clear on this little blog of mine that I am in love with Jim & Elisabeth Elliot, and when a friend posted this quote by E from A Chance to Die last week I couldn't help but love it:

"The preoccupations of young women - their looks, their clothes, their social life - don't seem to change much from generation to generation. But in every generation there are a few who make other choices."

I've been mulling over this quote and reading Scripture that pushes me over the edge almost daily for a week, thinking about how my life would truly look if I adhered to the path of "other choices." What if I didn't spend my days preoccupied with the clothes I wear, the nowhere-near-perfect way my hair lies on my head, the friends I have (or don't have)? What if my work days did not consist of my preoccupation with people pleasing, self-pleasing, and selfish motives? What if?

Jesus has reminded me in these past few weeks that He does not ask for crazy amazing acts; He doesn't even ask for me to do something remarkable. He simply asks me to step forward.

To lose my life of selfishness, I must step forward with one decision after another, saying "Lord You are worth more than my comfort ever will be."

To lose my life of people-pleasing, I must step forward with one decision after another, whispering "Lord You are the only One I live for, so I live to please You."

To lose my life of preoccupations, I must step forward and pray in each moment that He will be my only treasure.


The steps are sometimes so difficult that it feels as if I'm carrying 50 lbs of weights along with me, enough to make me ball my hands into a fist and grit my teeth at the temptation to give in yet again to that super-convincing flesh of mine. It. Is. So. Hard. to be Jesus to others around me when I just want to do things that will bring me comfort. I want to rip the selfish longings out of my chest, but I know the only way I can make them go away is by reminding myself that Jesus conquered them when He was nailed to the cross... and THAT is the Gospel.

"Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life." -John 12:25

I'm thankful that, even in my worst moments when I'm struggling to follow in obedience and I don't feel encouraged by other believers and I want to give in to temptations to love myself so badly, He picks me up and brushes me off and releases me from the tension by saying "I have overcome the world-- and that includes every single one of the things you've done or will do to disappoint me today."

I don't always make the choice to stay away from "preoccupations" and worldly beauties, but when I do make the small steps and move forward a teensy bit, my love for the world decreases. Truly, hating the world and my comfort has caused me to want to live and long for Jesus, and I'm thankful for every single struggle that has brought me to it.


So listen to this beautiful, perfect, truth-filled song by Ellie Holcomb and make "other choices."

Christmas Eve.

It's Christmastime, and teaching my new ESL littles all about the holiday has given me new eyes to see what my own framework for Christmas is truly held upon. They sit themselves down on my little thrifted rug, eyes eager and hoping for an explanation of the magical decorations that are filling their classrooms... and I am supposed to share with those eager, brown eyes, which belong to young hearts from Hindi, Muslim, and Atheist backgrounds, what America sees as the Christmas Season.

It's really hard for me to lie to them about the whole concept of Santa-- that he comes to their home and gives them presents and eats their cookies then flies away with his reindeer-- especially when, more than likely, there will be no Christmas tree or stockings adorning their little homes this Christmas. But I want them to understand who he is so that, when their classroom teachers ask them to write a letter to "Santa," they will understand just what is going on.

And I haven't even touched on the heart of it all, the reason Christmas is so much more meaningful to me. As we flip through our Christmas vocabulary books, M finds a picture of a nativity scene. Curious, I ask "What do you think this is?" And in broken English, without hesitation, he says "Baby... here... kings... bring gold." And I smile.

This is where my heart lies: in telling my students about the things that make my heart leap. And it's why I'm on Earth, too.

Today, this Christmas Eve, my heart waits in anticipation for celebrating Jesus' birth once again. I anticipate the coming of the newborn King once again-- but this time with my eyes drawn toward the sky, admiring Him coming down on the clouds, undoubtedly as King of All. He's our Thrill of Hope, the New and Glorious One for a weary, weary world.

I'll probably sing "Here comes Santa Claus" a time or two tonight, and I'll be thinking about my sweet littles, but I pray my heart will dwell on richer Christmas words such as these:

"Oh, Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
til He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.
A thrill of hope; the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!
Oh night divine, the night when Christ was born."

On Asking and Receiving

"Great is Thy faithfulness . . . all I have needed, Thy hand hath provided." -Thomas Chisholm

I dug deep in my pockets for the skills that I needed to land a job in this new town. It didn't matter what job it was-- any job would do-- as long as we could afford to get my sweet, hardworking husband through PT school with no debt. And so we could afford to keep living, too. As I drew my hands out of my pockets, nothing came with them. I had nothing to give. I had only the hope that the Lord would provide for our most basic needs. And He did, with "blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!"

He does not promise the greatest luxuries or satisfy our selfish entitlements. He provides our every need, but He also delights to give good things to His children when they ask for them.

"Everyone who asks receives..." (Matt. 7:8)

I love how Chambers says it. He always has such a way of writing out my heart.

"This does not mean that you will not get if you do not ask, but it means that until you come to the point of asking, you will not receive from God . . . until you comprehend and appreciate mentally, morally, and with spiritual understanding, that these things come from God." (Chambers, "Then What's Next to Do?")

Huh. Tough truth for a self-motivated, determined college grad with lots of ideas about how she thinks she can change her little world. Yet it makes sense... how can I give Him glory unless I acknowledge it as a gift from Him?

There are still things that I ask of Him that He does not give me**. He knows I earnestly long for few things-- things that can only come as a gift, that I can't pull out of thin air-- yet He withholds them from me out of love. I still don't get it, but I'm learning. All I know is that "all I have needed, [His] hand hath provided."

And do I really need more than what the Provider knows I need?

___________________

**I have learned a lot of wisdom and encouragement on this topic from John Piper's series "What Do Answers to Prayer Depend On?" which you can look at here and here.

Good morning, rainy Easter

On Friday, we mourned the death of our Messiah. But Sunday-- yes, even this rainy Sunday-- we celebrate the return of our King. He conquered sin and death so that every single thing I've done to disappoint, reject, or anger Him has been taken away. My debt is gone; I'm set free not because of anything I have done, but because of His work on the cross and coming back to life on that glorious day.

Today, even amidst the up-and-coming Spring weather and family time and really good Starburst jellybeans, I'm most excited to remember that He conquered my sin through death and resurrection. It's the whole reason I'm a Christ follower. Have a happy Easter Sunday!


"So three days in darkness slept the Morning Son of righteousness;
But rose to shame the throes of death and overturn His rule.

Now daughters and the sons of men would pay not their dues again;
The debt of blood they owed was rent when the day rolled anew.

On Friday, a thief; on Sunday, a King. 
Laid down in grief, but awoke holding keys. 
To Hell on that day, firstborn of the slain; the man Jesus Christ laid death in His grave."

-John Mark MacMillan, "Death in His Grave"

Waiting.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God . . . He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." -Isaiah 40:28-29

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." -Exodus 14:14

Today I am reminded that we are not made for this world. He gives us gifts daily, which remind us that Heaven will soon be our home. But for now, I pray that I will raise my head in attention, searching for how I might worship Him here on Earth as I wait.

I love Charlie Hall's "Come for Me." You should listen to the words and long for the sweetness of Christ's presence in Heaven.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z09vO1f_a8I]

Before the Throne of God

By Charitie Bancroft

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me

My name is graven on His hand
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
and tells me of the guilt within
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin

Because a sinless Savior died
my sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The King of Glory and of grace

One in Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God

For just a little dose of humility

"Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel the gentle breeze;

And when I think that God his son not sparing,
Sent him to die - I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin;

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!"

-"How Great Thou Art" by Stuart Hine

3 more days?

I'm finding myself being anything but peaceful while waiting to leave for Niger- 3 days and I'm panicking! I'm nervous that I'll forget something, we'll get lost in Casablanca, our flight won't work out, we'll lose baggage, or something will just go wrong. Control freak at its best.

Based off of Psalm 23 & Matthew 6:25-34, this song is one of the best things for me to listen to and remember that God knows what I need.

http://youtu.be/301S7NgAkLs

Beauty from Dust

I am so in love with the words of this song- and plus it just sounds good!

My flesh cries out that I'm inadequate, that I'm not worthy to carry the cross to another country. And the truth is, I'm not worthy! I'm made of dust, of sinful flesh, of selfish ambitions. I'm made of gross stuff. I have a deceitful heart full of iniquities that have separated me from God.

BUT...

Christ has closed the gap for me, and with Him every inadequacy is eliminated. I am nothing without Christ, and He makes beautiful things out of this dust. With Christ alone I am made worthy for the calling that God places upon us to share the Gospel and reach out to other people. I am so, so, so unworthy... but He makes beautiful things out of me!

I don't have to fear whispers from the devil, who with smooth speech says that I am not capable of doing anything. He tells me that I am hopeless. I am not hopeless; I have the Almighty God to work despite my inadequacies!

"You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." -Psalm 32:7

Do Your thing, God.

Hallelujah (Praise the Lord)

by Bethany Dillon

Who can hold the stars and my weary heart?
Who can see everything?
I've fallen so hard, sometimes I feel so far, but not beyond Your reach

I could climb a mountain, swim the ocean, or do anything
But it's when You hold me that I start unfolding

And all I can say is "hallelujah, hallelujah"
Whatever's in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that rises over castles and welcomes the day spills over buildings into the streets where orphans play
And only you can see the good in broken things
You took my heart of stone and you made it home and set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me, help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me, I'll choose to sing hallelujah

Sweet Inspiration

Maybe I'm going crazy from cabin fever, sitting inside this little room doing way too much homework, but if I could do this for a living then I'd be entirely content. I am way too excited to move into an apartment and redo my own furniture- feel free to, out of the goodness of your heart, give me your old stuff so I can make it into something new and add it to our precious new apartment! :)

Also, I've found that this DIY wedding blog has gotten me wayyy too distracted... but it's a welcome excuse to stop writing lesson plans for just a second, so I feel justified in going googly-eyed over each page and picture!

Finally, one last thing- I'm loving the renowned beauty I've found in this song. Just read those crazy lyrics- every verse is full of such truth and such beauty... from the sunrise to the wedding celebration, the Lord stirs such deep desires within me to love Him more. I want to know this mysterious and wondrous God more- He arouses so much curiosity in me! Teach me to know You, Father.

The Treasures Store for Christ

What must followers of Christ give to their Maker? Everything. I don't think I fully comprehend what it means to give up everything for His sake, but I'm learning. God wants to be the driving force behind every possession, event, relationship, word, action, and plan. We fail to see His divine purpose for us when we cling too tightly to what we feel we deserve or are entitled to- and I think that our view of "sacrifice" is skewed to the point where it's difficult for us to truly sacrifice, even if we try!

Abraham sacrificed Isaac, his only son, simply because God told him to. Abraham loved Isaac dearly; perhaps he loved Isaac more than anything else in the world.
Ruth sacrificed the option of going back to her home country- where promise of marriage, family, and prosperity await- in order to stay faithful to Naomi.
Daniel sacrificed his life and security (though only for a time) in order to spend time in prayer with the Lord.
Paul put himself into dangerous situations everyday- imprisoned and tortured, even- in order that others may know the truth of the Gospel.

"And shouldst Thou ask me to resign what most I prize- it ne'er was mine, I only give Thee what is Thine- Thy will be done." -The Little Flock Hymnal

Sacrifice and love for God is much more costly than we crack it up to be- and I feel that we've lost touch with the great cost of following Christ. I don't take it with enough seriousness; I often give some of my money and time to good things in hopes that it will please the Lord enough to keep receiving His love. What does it mean to "pour at His feet the treasures store" of earthly things, which abound all around me? What does the Lord require of me?

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days, let them flow in endless praise.
Take my hands and let the move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.
Take my voice and let me sing always, only for my King!
Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use every power as Thou shalt choose.
Take my will and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasures store.
Take myself and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Take My Life and Let it Be, by Frances Havergal